DP Swamis: Friday, November 5, 1999

The quotes are real. So are the turbans. The quotes are real. So are the turbans.We're all allowed to be young and stupid.Why, just this week, Longhorn, a distinguished Swami emeritus, described to us a "drink while you write Swamis" tradition practiced in his day. Imagine, carpet flying under the influence! So, we flew our carpets (sober, of course) to Indianapolis, to talk with the Colts' special-teamer, now 27 years old, who wants to set the record straight. "It was really misconstrued," Elias said. "I felt bad because one of the things I've always prided myself on is respecting my opponents.? I wished I could play with some of Penn's players. I loved the way they played." Those are kind words from a man who is known in Penn sports history as one of the greatest forces of evil ever to set foot in West Philadelphia. What's more, Elias wanted to explain himself! "It's just that Penn can get players in that Princeton cannot," Elias said yesterday. "The context is that sucks for Princeton. I was big against our administration because they're constantly screwing the football program. That's all the quote was meant to talk about." Keith, we don't know how to tell you this, but you haven't changed your tune at all in six years. Tearing into the Princeton administration is still a jab at the Red and Blue's players. It's a double-edged sword, even if you don't mean any harm. It's just like Terrance Stokes told us. Stokes, you may remember, ran for 272 yards on your Pussy Cats in 1993, while you ran for a pitiful 59 after you ran your mouth much farther. "As long as we all graduated, who cares?" Stokes said. "That's all that mattered." Maybe Elias just doesn't understand what he's saying about Penn when he thinks he's only talking about Princeton. After all, he had plenty of good things to say about all subjects Penn, from coach Al Bagnoli to our references to "The Keith Elias Game." "I sort of hate how Penn has villified me because for me in my heart I don't feel that way about Penn," Elias said. "I almost went to Penn. Al Bagnoli is a hell of a coach.? That should be [called] 'The Terrance Stokes Game,' [but] in a way, I'm flattered, I'm honored." Well, we still have to work on Elias' guest Swami picks. "I could never pick Penn over Princeton and go back to Princeton and see my Princeton friends, so I'm going to pick Princeton because it's easier for your school to hate me than my school. So, 16-13 Princeton."