COLUMN: The right not to be bothered

From Michael Feng's, "Snuffles," Fall '99 From Michael Feng's, "Snuffles," Fall '99Psst! Feel like no one respects your opinions? Wanna be heard? Here's how: Gather a bunch of your friends, scribble slogans on some posters and stand in the middle of a major road. Forget billboards on the Schuylkill Expressway and Super Bowl commercials. Master the art of Being A Public Nuisance -- getting your message to the people has never been so easy and so cheap. Here's your first lesson: Protesters demanding a retrial for death-row convict Mumia Abu-Jamal prevented tourists from entering the Liberty Bell pavilion for three hours. On Independence Day weekend. Only after police arrested 95 protesters were tourists able to see the Bell again. The next day, news of the incident appeared on every local TV station and the Philadelphia Inquirer's front page. Nuisance warfare succeeds again. Dislike being arrested? Don't worry, nuisance warfare can still force people to listen. $29.95 at Wal-Mart buys you a heavy-duty bullhorn. Then, simply go to any SEPTA station and shout into the bullhorn. People will listen, whether they want to or not. And safe behind the ironclad bastion of the First Amendment, you can be sure no one will take away your bullhorn or arrest you. In constitutional terms, freedom of expression is the royal flush. Time and again, it trumps lesser rights such as the right to personal privacy and the right to not be bothered. Don't get me wrong, I treasure the First Amendment as dearly as any American. Any dilution of the rights it protects would create room for totalitarianism. Without rock-solid protection, nothing prevents the government from controlling media and restricting speech in order to "maintain public safety." Yet the right of innocent passersby to go about their business and not be subjected to nuisance-causing activism also has value, and must be protected. This protection cannot and should not rest in our legal system. After all, the punishment must fit the crime, and no what how annoying nuisance warfare is, it is just that: a nuisance. Any stiffening of the punishment for such crimes beyond the probationary level would be unjust. No, the only recourse is to stifle the benefits that publicity hounds, um, activists, derive from being a royal pain in the ass, namely, the infamy that comes with being a media spectacle. Without TV choppers flying overhead and reporters fawning for a sound bite, the nuisances who block roadways are transformed from notorious martyrs to petty criminals. Most importantly, without widespread media coverage, the incentive for future numbskull actions that waste the time of everyone involved fades. There will always be the Hard Copies and National Enquirers of the world, which make their living covering tabloid trash. Yet hallowed media institutions such as The Philadelphia Inquirer and The Daily Pennsylvanian should screen what they feature in order to distinguish between what is true news and what are blatant attempts to gain publicity for publicity's sake. Of course, this still leaves the average citizen helpless against the assaults of those guys with bullhorns standing outside SEPTA stations. But sometimes you have to take action on your own. Wal-Mart sells earplugs as well as bullhorns.