GUEST COLUMNIST: You can't always get what you want

Woody Allen's Annie Hall begins with a joke about two elderly women dining at a resort. One complains about the quality of the food being served and the other concurs and adds that the portions are also far too small. When I learned that Eat at Joe's, the diner which opened on campus this summer, would not operate 24 hours a day as originally planned, I couldn't help but sympathize with this ironic complaint. A survey conducted by the Undergraduate Assembly two years ago revealed that an overwhelming percentage of students desired a 24-hour restaurant on campus. Administrators subsequently made plans to fill an empty retail space on the 3900 block of Walnut Street with a "round-the-clock diner." I found this, in theory, to be a grand idea. My primary objection arose when University officials announced the specific details of the establishment selected to occupy the space. Much to my surprise and delight, my concerns turned out to be for naught. Regardless of the administration's intentions, the diner has enjoyed a steady mix of customers from all parts of the city and all walks of life since its opening day. You'd think this would make me happy, and maybe even shut me up. Alas, that is not the case, for now I have another complaint to register. As critical as I was of the diner's original mission, and as disappointed as I've been with the meals I've eaten there (another topic entirely), I'm most annoyed by the fact that Penn's "24-hour diner" is, in fact, not open 24 hours a day. Indeed, Eat at Joe's has been closing at 11 p.m. every weekday evening and at 2 a.m. on weekends. This, of course, contradicts the entire reason the restaurant was constructed in the first place. Why was this decision made? According to Steve Malamut, CosCo's director of operations, and Tom Lussenhop, Penn's top real estate official, the restaurant will actually be closed throughout much of the night due to "uncertain demand" and "safety concerns" at its new location. Excuse me? Uncertain demand? Anyone who been to the 38th Street Wawa at 4 a.m. knows that students are always looking for a meal in the middle of the night. Furthermore, if Eat at Joe's intends to measure late-night traffic based on the business they get before 11 p.m., their data will be entirely skewed. Prior to three in the morning, the hour at which Penn Transit vans stop running, most students who want diner food will continue to do what they do already: head downtown. Granted, Center City is not as convenient to campus as Eat at Joe's, but that's where Penn Transit comes in. A quick ride downtown puts a half-dozen diners within walking distance, most serving better food at better prices in a better atmosphere than our sterile concept diner on Walnut Street could hope to match. Additionally, it seems absurd that I have to point out that by closing at 2 a.m. on weekends, Eat at Joe's is completely marginalizing what could potentially be its largest late-night crowd. Considering that closing time at neighborhood bars is 2 a.m. -- and that this is also the time at which police shut down campus parties -- there's an inestimable amount of customers that the diner is missing out on by closing its doors so early. If the concerns about demand are misguided, those regarding security are equally unsound. One need simply look at empirical data to see the fallacy: For many years Wawa has successfully operated 24 hours a day at two different campus locations, one at 38th and Spruce and the other at 36th and Chestnut. Kinko's is open all night, 30 yards from Eat at Joe's, and is hardly plagued by rampant crime. Moreover, Kinko's does not have police officers making photocopies at 4 or 5 a.m., whereas Eat at Joe's would undoubtedly become a regular police hangout, as Wawa has during its late-night shifts. Over the past year, University President Judith Rodin and Executive Vice President John Fry have portrayed themselves as being earnest in obliging the desires of the student body, particularly regarding development and commerce. If Penn aims to please -- and in the case of Eat at Joe's, that is precisely what they initially set out to do -- the University should make sure that the place is open for business 24 hours a day. But what affect can the administration have on CosCo's management decisions? Quite a bit, actually. Eat at Joe's occupies a University-owned space, under terms of a lease written by Penn. Included in the lease is a clause which gives the University the authority to set the diner's hours of operation. Therefore, it is the University administration that determines whether or not Eat at Joe's will operate around the clock. There is no question that this is what students have wanted for quite some time. If Rodin and Fry are legitimately interested in developing University City at the behest of the student body, they ought to keep Eat at Joe's open all night. Judy, John, the ball's in your court. You say you want to make us happy. Now's your chance to prove it.