DP SWAMIS: The Quotes are real. So are the turbans.

Hanover, where? Yes, New Hampshire, home state of ? hmmmm? Well, nothing, really. Somewhere in that worthless filler between Boston and the North Pole, lies Hanover, motto: "They don't make downtowns like this anymore." Come to think of it, have they ever? In addition to Dartmouth, Hanover boasts such attractions as "KMart and J.C. Penney," as well as "modern shopping like the Gap." With the addition of electricity in 1984 and telephone service in 1987, Hanover has enjoyed over a decade of prosperity as "the littlest big city around." Or "the biggest little city around," depending on which of the eight Hanoverians you happen to ask. The bustling little hamlet is also home to the biggest little Cold Region Research Laboratory in the Northeast. And people think seven inches a snow for 10 months of the year is a bad thing! Not one, not two -- but 12! -- rental car places pepper the bustling metropolis, lending a certain quaint, Hanoverian je ne sais quoi to Lebanon Street. Unfortunately for Hanover, the road leading out of town is not scheduled to be completed until 2003. Famous Dartmouthers include the littlest big Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, who after years of research discovered that cigarettes were, in fact, bad. So as we Swamis went to pack our suitcases for the trip north, we went to someone who knows a lot about football and simpler towns from a simpler era. We rolled our magic carpet all the way back to 1953, just the second year of Swami existence. George Bosseler, Wharton '54, captain of the '53 Quakers football team, helped fill us in on the simpler times of yore by keeping his predictions to a minimum. "Penn will beat Dartmouth, 17-14. End of story." "The weak sisters in the Ivy League this year are definitely Yale, Cornell and Columbia," Bosseler said. Little has changed. In Bosseler's freshman year, Penn spanked Columbia, 34-0. This week, he predicts Harvard will roll past Columbia, 35-7. The crystal ball has also informed George Munger's final captain that Brown will beat Yale, 21-10, and Princeton will drop Cornell, 28-14. "I live next door to Cornell," Bosseler, who resides in Corning, N.Y., said. "But I'm definitely going to go with Princeton on this one." Thanks, captain. We're ready to head back to simpler times -- thankfully for only one day in Newhapshwere?. Simpler football times were when Penn was the best every year. The pundits of prognostication are ready for the first Penn pigskin kickoff 1998.