COLUMN: $120,000 worth of cynicism

From Ned Nurick's, "Spare Change," Fall '97 From Ned Nurick's, "Spare Change," Fall '97 The Most Cynical Person at Penn. Actually at first I reveled at the honor bestowed upon me by one of my friends. But then I thought for a minute? Hey I am not a cynic. I am an optimist. I believe in progress and the triumph of human spirit? blah, blah, blah. But I needed a beer chaser to swallow the next sentence, "And I believe in and looove Penn!" Try to define the aura of discontent and you go a long way towards locating the source of said problem. Coming from a small town, errr small suburb, not within commuting distance of New York City, I was used to having friendly, though sometimes nosy, neighbors and community members. Motorists yielded to pedestrians in the crosswalks and stop signs were capable of creating enormous 10-car traffic jams during rush hour. Penn people do not talk or wave with more than one finger extended and let the pedestrian beware of motorists as well as Physical Plant Pee Wee mobiles. So to my uneducated mind I thought perhaps the environment was to blame -- not clean, lovely and enticing Philadelphia as Executive Vice President John Fry's party line reminded me, but the more formative environment from where Penn students come? Long Island. Formerly named Long Island syndrome (because it took a while to meet obnoxious people from elsewhere), my metropolis theory basically states that high tension and high density populations in and around major cities create insanity on the brink of Falling Down (a la Michael Douglas fame). The sheer pace and accruing frustration leads persons to adopt perverse outlooks on human nature. These modern Machiavellis hunt and gather with zero regard for people and societal convention. I liked this theory for the first two years based upon the distrust symbolized in a New Yorker cover that displays America looking West from New York. You know, the one that has altered the geographic relativeness of Manhattan, the Hudson River, Mississippi, the Rockies and the Pacific "Pond" so to make the United States seem so subordinate to the Big Apple. But after a while, I met some nice metropolitan denizens and flushed that theory down the drain and onto a New Jersey beach. So what else could cause the poor attitude of students and create disdain in the hearts of the faithful? Perhaps it is the strict academic environment indigenous to our class of schools. With very little qualified experience on my part, I think it could stem from the high level of students we attract to Penn. Highly motivated students, used to rigorous regimens, become highly competitive when accumulated together which is subsequently reflected in their social retardation. The quest for the almighty A sets off a scramble reminiscent of Western land rushes, where anarchy and treachery ruled the day. Don't dare reveal sources of research or how long you have been studying because the hordes would rather die than see you score above them, depriving them of their pre-ordained position in the front tail of the curve. Me first because I am smarter and you are the enemy. You are merely my classmate and a pawn who must round out the curve. Now that theory worked for a while. It led me to my disdain for grading curves as well as my adoption of the transparent also-ran ideal, "learning for the sake of learning." The competitive theory never really explained why people remained snotty outside of the academic setting. Leaving me two cards remaining (one more than Johnny Cochran), I thought I would double down, tackling both at once. Maybe tension here at Penn could be attributed to diversity, both ethnically and economically. In a school with 16 percent foreign students, there are bound to be fractious groups formed. Whether it be Asians, Jews, African Americans Wasps or one of the plethora of identities here at Penn, members of each group cling to their own so to maintain a certain comfort level, in the process excluding and perpetuating their own self-segregation. Yet other groups scrutinize tax returns in order to screen potential debs and playboys for their chic cliques while still many others remain on financial aid. We have many extremes but little common ground. Actually the common ground we do share is that of cynicism. But could that cynicism really be from the "real world?" I doubt the "real world" could be responsible for the collegiality, friendliness, and overall good will shared by students of Penn. While I count down my remaining 228 days here, I remain dissatisfied with explanations I come up with. So why do feel this way after three years at Penn. I don't know. But I do know that I don't like it. Nor do I like you, you competitive, snot from Long Island.