COLUMN: Penn must mend image

Image is nothing. Thirst is everything. Obey your thirst." The folks responsible for this catchy phrase knew exactly what they were doing when they had to figure out a way to sell more Sprite. The recent offbeat advertising campaign -- many of whose spots spoof other ads -- featuring this slogan has "significantly" increased sales over the past year, according to a spokesperson for the Atlanta-based Coca-Cola Co., which makes Sprite. Those ad men just might be on to something, at least when it comes to selling a product. I don't sing when I chew Wrigley's Spearmint gum. I've never gotten into a Pink Floyd concert with the help of Mentos candy. And I refuse to yodel for a Klondike ice-cream bar. Yet, in real life the opposite of that Sprite slogan -- which once happened to be the slogan in commercials, featuring then-long-haired tennis star Andre Agassi, for the Canon EOS camera -- is often true. Image is especially important on resumes. Going for that plum job? Your high-school stint at Wal-Mart suddenly becomes a "consumer relations internship." The University is no stranger to image-building, as is any other college or company. They've spent plenty of money on public relations, trying to promote Sansom Common and other projects, usually drowning out the protests of a portion of the University community. Recently, however, administrators haven't been so successful in protecting the University from public scorn. For starters, the proposed vending ordinance angered vendors, whom the University targeted to move or lose their businesses, and students, who didn't like the timing of the ordinance and how it discouraged debate. A benefits overhaul angered faculty members, and Physical Plant employees were upset over contract negotiations. It seems that whenever the University sets out to build something, redefine something or change something, even the best "commercial" messages get lost in the anger of the long-forgotten masses. But the masses can save the University's future, a future that lies (no pun intended) in its image. Here's a more common example: I recently had a small, intimate gathering at my house with 75 of my closest friends while my parents were on vacation. All was well until I emerged from the back porch to see a high-school buddy peering out my front window. "I'm watching the cops come into your house," he said. As one might expect of someone in an extreme panic, I bemoaned the end of my Ivy League career, asked for the number of the nearest truck-driving school and pleaded with my best friend to bunk in her garage until I could safely move to Guatemala. The police ordered everyone to leave the house. There were countless punishable offenses that night, and I've been to several parties where the police slapped the host with thousands of dollars in fines. But why not me? Because of my image: class valedictorian, Dean's List at the University of Pennsylvania, volunteer work at the local hospital. They hadn't heard my name at the station. Do you always look so respectable? So polite? So scared? they asked. I've often lamented my "smart, good-girl" persona. People often wrongly assume I read the encyclopedia on Friday nights. But at that point, I thanked God for the police officers' willingness to stereotype me. They saw my image -- and not me. The University's administration needs as great a scare as I had. Without the support of students, faculty members and local residents, Penn could appear to be a monopolizing ogre, eating away at the very elements which at one point provided its backbone. If the academic and business giant that is the University of Pennsylvania is so powerful without such support, imagine how great it could be with that support. And all the administration needs to do is consider the needs of its constituent groups. It's true that you can't please everyone all the time. But the door should always be open. If nothing else, the University should listen to its constituents. Even the worst politicians make that effort -- sometimes. Of course, a full overhaul of the University's image will take time. But each new issue provides new turf for the administration to begin healing the gulf that has been widened between it and the students, faculty members and locals. Maybe image is everything.