LETTERS: The sensitive subject of abuse

To the Editor: Many things are being misinterpreted and misunderstood and with each letter that appears in the DP, the focus is moving further away from what actually happened. I would like to respond both personally and as one of the event coordinators. First, let me state emphatically that nowhere in Litty's speech did she say men should not be there. Her comments regarding men's participation, which were taken horrendously out of context by the DP coverage ("Students gather to take back the night," DP, 4/4/97), we're that not only does she think men should be there, she thinks every responsible man on this campus should feel obligated to be there. But Paxton said men should participate only as listeners. They should go and hear the horrific stories of violence that women still go through. Take Back the Night is the only night out of 365 where women's voices ring loud. A more accurate paraphrase of her words would be: "You [men] see us all over the place, like when were invited to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated, but you do not really hear us." Apparently, her words proved right in this case, for she is still not being heard. Second, my personal feelings regarding men's role in Take Back the Night aside, one of the main goals for this year's event was to make it inclusive to all survivors. That is why we decided to change the format this year. In Craig Abbs' letter, he states, "I fear this last forum for all survivors to speak out is forever lost to the male survivor of rape, incest, etc." If Abbs had actually been there, he would have heard Sapana Donde invite all survivors -- male and female -- to attend the survivor session at the bio pond. Moreover, if any male survivors of rape or incest had expressed an interest in speaking out at the public rally, they would have received the same courtesy from myself and all other organizers of this event as the women did. They would not have been turned away from speaking. As intelligent, responsible individuals, we have an obligation to listen to one another before passing judgment. You may not agree with all that Paxton said on Thursday, and I do not think she expects you to. But we should gather the correct information and put things in context before we start to criticize. I want to thank Paxton for her speech. I may not agree whole heartedly with all that she said. But I think for all of us that were present and actually heard her words, she really was an inspiration. Titi Yu College '98 President, N.O.W. Co-Coordinator, Take Back the Night u To The Editor: We are concerned with Monday's letter to the editor regarding Litty Paxton's comments at "Take Back the Night," ("All sexes can support women's rights," DP, 4/7/97). Reviewing the DP's coverage ("Students gather to take back the night," DP, 4/4/97) of Take Back the Night as well as attending the event ourselves, we feel that Paxton's words were misconstrued. Monday's letter accused Paxton of alienating men from the event. As the DP reported and we observed, when Paxton said, "I don't need you to be there, okay? I don't need you to hold my hand," she was specifically referring to the men at the march, not at the Speak-Out -- two separate entities of Take Back the Night. Paxton's words and the response they evoked highlights the fact there is dissonance among Penn women about women's issues in general. However, what we overlook in our anger are the points at which we converge. We are all "applaud(ing) any man who attended" Take Back the Night. We welcome men to be a part of the listening community at this event. Just because men were asked to remain silent during the Speak-Out this year does not mean we do not want to hear their opinions and feelings regarding sexual violence. The Speak-Out is time best reserved for the stories of female survivors. Discourse between women and men is an integral part of educating about and deterring sexual violence. Not only do we appreciate men's presence at the Speak-Out, we believe it is just as important for them to be there as it is for us. Melissa Goldstein College '98 Jill Resnick College '98 u To the Editor: I must respond to the recent letter written by Litty Paxton ("A misrepresentation of words," DP, 4/9/97). I do not and never have labeled Paxton as anything. I am not trying to bash her or the event. I feel women do have the right to organize an event for women to speak out about violence against women. This event, however, has in the past been for all survivors of sexual abuse. The billing of the event specified that it was for survivors of sexual abuse. When Paxton changed that policy at the event, she severly hurt men in attendence for support of what they have experienced. If the event had been billed as a Speak-Out for women fighting against sexual violence, then these men would not have been so alienated. I have fought for eight years for the right to speak about my experiences. I'm not saying that I deserve more than you, just the same as you. The first Speak-Out I attended, I was told exactly what Paxton was quoted as saying. I went home that evening and attempted suicide. Now, everytime that someone tries to tell me I don't have a right to speak or tries to invalidate my feelings, I defend my right. I have to, nobody else will. With an issue this emotionally charged, you must be careful with what you say and how you say it. As for not including men in the event, Paxton gives two reasons for her justification to not involve men. The first, "Over 90 percent of sexual violence is male on female." Furthermore, Paxton argues that "when it shifts to 50 percent, let's talk about a coed Speak-Out. Meanwhile, let's address the issue at hand." Her argument seems to be that the remaining 10 percent of rape survivors are insignificant. I am not insignificant. This type of logic terrifies me. Just think of the implications that this logic has. Paxton's second justification is that last year a rapist shared his experience at the Speak-Out. It is estimated that 3 to 4 percent of rapes are committed by women (I say "estimated" because in the U.S., such crimes are not reported since they are not illegal). The exclution of men from speaking would not stop all rapist from speaking, only the male rapists. In answer to Paxton's question, "Are men so vulnerable??" No, not always. The event asked individuals to come and share their experiences. Then, after they had attended and had prepared for whatever the evening has in store, they were told their experiences are significant enough to count, or that they "divert attention" from what the event was trying say with the Speak-Out. We have a right to be angry. We have a right to feel hurt. And yes, we were vulnerable that night, weren't we all? Craig Abbs College '98 Medical School, Admin. Assist.