COLUMN: Four years here ain't so bad

From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '97 From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '97While we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us." -- Audre Lorde Everything is happening now, and it's happening quickly. I've been in denial for a year. Not denying that I'm graduating, just that I care. People ask me how I feel about it every day. Where will I be moving to? And do I have a job? For some reason I can only respond with, "I can't wait." When I graduated from high school I mouthed those same words and never looked back. It was a chapter ready to be closed, a breath to be exhaled. I was too excited to move forward that I had no need to brood over the past. Not that this is high school. In fact, we're told time and time again that college will be the best years of our lives. I can't imagine a more pessimistic idea to be telling a graduating senior. I want to be able to look back on my four years at Penn and think I'd taken everything from this school that I wanted. We all do. And if you wanted to chill for four years with friends, more power to you. And if you wanted to score a 4.0 in Wharton and snag a phat high-powered job, more power to you. I hope it all worked out. I'd like to think my years here have been fruitful. I'd also like to think my life isn't ending now -- that I'm not taking baby steps towards retirement, exhaustion and death. I'd like to think I'm now about to embark on the best years of my life. And when someone tells me Penn is not the real world, all I can think is "Thank God." That's the cynic in me. In trying to find myself during college, I've encountered loads of bullshit people who taught me what not to incorporate in my life. We all have. For me, it's some of you. For some of you, it's me. That's all cool with me. I can rant and roar about everything that balls my stomach into lead at this University. I can offend everybody in five words or less. Really, I think it's an art I've been working to perfect. But when I pull back the curtains of the irritating world of Penn, I see the golden wizard of Penn -- a school I feel privileged and honored to have attended. It may have only taken two professors (English Professor Greg Djanikian and Communications Professor Carolyn Marvin, if you don't mind me taking a line to give them just an inkling of the credit they deserve in my life), a handful of friends and a vast amount of space to dip my hands in. The opportunities we have within this school should not be taken for granted. Neither can the quality of education. There. I said it. It only took half a column to get to the point -- a conclusion has undergone serious attacks, criticism and debate by my circle of friends for four years. All through high school "No one holds your hand in college" was imprinted in my mind. Then I came here and thought "Actually, they kind of do hold your hand." I sensed reluctance from the students to learn and distance from the professors to question. The classes were never really that hard. What my teachers had meant four years ago I understand now. There is no daily force-feeding of a topic. In fact, there's very little force-feeding at all. As a result, many students starve. But -- if I may drive the metaphor into the ground -- what we really have here is a self-serve buffet. Anything we need is here. Professors are almost always accessible for private discussion. Feedback is given unconditionally. We can learn about anything, focus on anything, write about anything and think about everything. All we need is desire. That's a big step from high school when we had only a faint sense of how exciting it can be to learn, process and create. But more importantly, it's a big step from reality where desire runs rampant and fulfillment is harder to come by. We've had four years to get it together, figure out what we want and to pick up anything we need along the way. Now hopefully we're ready to take these skills out and apply them wherever we go. If everything falls into place by the end of your time here, I'm sure you're setting yourself up for smooth sailing in the next few years. It's difficult for me to sit down and write a positive article, one that condemns no one and praises the University I've criticized for so long. I'm itching to spew forth endless vignettes of annoyance and injustice. But I just don't need to anymore. The truth of the matter is, my Penn experience has rocked and now I'm ready to move on. Details are necessary but of no concern; if you ask me what my plans are ,I'll just have to tell you that I can't wait.