COLUMN: Talking honestly about race

From Jamil Smith's, "Invisible Man," Fall '96 From Jamil Smith's, "Invisible Man," Fall '96 Man, I forgot how much goddamn stuff I have," Demetrius said. He dropped his large trunk, blocking the bedroom door. "Yeah, I'm all right." Demetrius sank down on the trunk and wiped his brow. "Are you gonna be finished packing soon?" "Not hardly. See?" Demetrius looked, and saw Josh's clothes still strewn across the floor, his posters still on the wall. "If you're going to miss your plane, go get a taxi without me," Josh said as he took down his fraternity composite. Demetrius checked his ticket and his watch. "My plane doesn't leave for another three hours, and we still have to switch rooms. Don't worry about it." He went back into his room to move his suitcases. As Josh began to take down his Pulp Fiction poster, a large piece tore off from the corner. "Man," he sighed, tossing it aside in frustration. "Guess I can't use this anymore." "What's wrong?" "You want a slightly used Pulp Fiction poster?" Josh asked. "Now that it's torn, you don't want it?" Demetrius retorted, snickering. "You know what I feel about that movie, anyway." Josh shot his roommate a confused look. "I don't remember talking about it." "The director got a little carried away with the word "nigger," don't you think?" Josh looked toward the door. "That's ridiculous," he said. "Tons of the rappers you listen to say it much more than Tarantino does in that movie. Hey, you have posters of people like Malcolm X on your door. I never said anything about the stuff you have in your room, so don't disrespect mine." Demetrius's head popped up. He went into Josh's room. "First of all, don't take it so personally. That's just my opinion, OK?" Josh continued to pack silently. "Second of all," Demetrius continued, "if you have a problem with me -- the things I have, the things I say or who I am -- why did you move in with me this semester? You knew what kind of person I was; I haven't changed." Josh turned sharply to his roommate. "I moved in because I don't feel like I really know you even after all these years of being buddies. I knew we have differing opinions and I thought that if we were in the same room we would better understand where we're coming from." Demetrius moved toward the Pulp Fiction poster and stepped on it. "I'm coming from L.A., you're coming from Chicago. Do you understand it better now? Do you think you know me? Who I am?" "No, I've probably unlearned almost everything about you," Josh replied. "You are not the same person in this room that you have been outside it. It seems like you're a lot more abrasive, like you're being right now." "No kidding?" Demetrius asked, shaking his head. "The only times we're here at the same time are when I'm waking up (when I shouldn't be bothered), my study time (when I don't want to be bothered) and when I'm sleeping (when you truly don't want to bother me). You don't get to really know someone by living with him, man. You only learn to deal with him." Demetrius retreated into his room. Josh shook his head and continued packing. After several quiet minutes, he finally spoke up. "Demetrius?" Silence. "Demetrius? Uh, what are you doing in there?" "Why don't you come over and see?" Josh paused and then put down the stack of old newspapers he held. He stepped over the clothes on his floor and stopped in front of the trunk in Demetrius's doorway. "You want me to move this trunk or just step over it?" Josh asked. "Step on over." When Josh entered Demetrius's room, he realized he had never really taken a good look around before. Malcolm once again adorned the door, and posters from The Usual Suspects, Get on the Bus and Set it Off -- which Josh hadn't noticed before -- were back on the walls. "I thought we were switching for next semester. You wanted the corner double to yourself, right?" Josh remembered wondering why he'd even agreed to give up the larger room, but doing so because Residential Life had suggested it. "I changed my mind. I like this room." "I get no say in this?" "No, not really," Demetrius said. "Look, if you really wanted to live here to get to know me better, how is switching rooms going to help? Looks to me like we need to visit each other more and learn to be better roommates before all of that happens." Josh sighed. "I'm not sure I agree, but I guess it merits a try. Not that I have much of a choice." "You do have the choice," Demetrius said. "You can move out. You can transfer. You can get as far away from this room as you can. But the problems we're having are larger than this room. Why, then, depend on the room to solve the problem?"