Drug abusers share stories at White Dog

Sitting on a stool in the middle of the White Dog Cafe's piano parlor and salon, Dawn looked out at the crowded room. "I'm nervous -- I didn't really want to be here tonight," she said. But the audience offered her words of support and she gained confidence to begin her story. "I graduated from high school with the offer of a full university scholarship," Dawn said. "But my drugs got so bad I didn't want to go. My life started to go down the drain." Dawn was one of five residents of the Food for Life Shelter and Project Home who shared their stories about homelessness Tuesday as part of the restaurant's weekly "Tales at Tails" program. The participants, who used only first names in keeping with the event's informal setting, spoke of their past experiences as drug addicts living on the streets and their eventual call for help. "Alcohol is a wrecker and I'm a witness to it," said Trevor, who lost his job as a juvenile counselor due to his drug addiction. "Drugs made me lose everything I ever owned." Gregory, a patient at St. Elizabeth's rehabilitation program, had a similar story. "From the moment I took that first hit, I ceased to be a human being," he said. "Now, I need to look at a list each morning to remind myself to wash, get dressed and make my bed. Otherwise, after six years of homelessness, it would be easy to slip back into my old habits." Gregory explained how one can become accustomed to homelessness. He said he stayed in an abandoned building, which he soon started to consider his home. "There is nothing like the look on people's faces when they walk past and look at you like you're absolutely nothing," he added. "But even this I got used to. I didn't care anymore." Many of those who spoke said they had to resort to stealing to support their addictions. "I always had a conscience and felt bad about the things I was doing -- but I had to do those things to get money," explained Jose, who said he turned to drugs to alleviate the post-traumatic stress disorder which followed his service in the Vietnam War. Brenda said that after a certain point, she needed to ask for help for the benefit of her four children. "I had to stop feeling guilty and take responsibility for what I was doing with my life," she said. Some, though, were ambivalent about receiving help. "When I got to the shelter, the people were dirty," Dawn said. "I asked myself, 'What am I doing here? I don't belong here.'" But all the speakers said they had made the right decision in going to the shelter. An audience member, who said he had been clean from his addiction for 10 years, offered the speakers encouragement. "The benefits don't end," he said. "There is no plateau. Things keep getting better." No applause followed the storytelling. The audience murmured a simple "Thanks for sharing." When asked how pedestrians should respond to homeless people on the street, Gregory suggested that "the best thing to do to help is to donate money to shelters." "If you were to give me money, it might set me off again," he explained. "Tales at Tails," which began last spring, is designed to provide an informal setting for bringing people together who might not otherwise come together, according to White Dog Cafe Community Program Director Sue Ellen Clive. "In sharing stories, hopefully they will recognize something common about humanity." Future topics for "Tales at Tails" include "Tales from the Underground Railroad," "Tales of War and Peace" and "Native American Tales." The programs begin at 8 p.m. every Tuesday.