IVY ROUNDUP: Curmudgeon of the Week/Curmudgeon II /Hangover/Lion Kings

Think about it. It all adds up. First, the low-speed chase -- in a white vehicle. Then he puts together a great defense team. Then he constantly rolls his eyes and mumbles to himself the whole time. Then he tries to sneak evidence in through the back-door as the clock winds down. And then he wants to address the jury at a time when nobody can ask to cross-examine him. He wants to talk about whatever is on his mind, not the minds of his inquisitors. Yes, review these facts again, carefully, and you can only reach one conclusion. O.J. is getting his legal advice from Pete Carril. · Curmudgeon of the Week As for the part about not wanting questions, it seems that old Yoda got a wee bit testy when a reporter started a question saying, "A Princeton team doesn't usually let an 11-point lead slip? Carril stopped him in mid-sentence. "We're starting three freshman, four play in the game, we played the No. 4, No. 10 and No. 23 teams in the country and somebody says to me, " 'What's happening out there?' Well, this isn't the typical Princeton team, and might not be this year. It might not be next year. "I'm getting a little upset with the kind of crap we got to hear every day." Princeton athletic director Gary Walters was not upset by Carril's comments. "He can be curmudgeony," Walters said. "I think he has reached a point in life where he is entitled to be a curmudgeon.' · Curmudgeon II This weekend Penn goes for its XXXII straight Ivy League victory. And the opponent will be none other than Carril's Tigers. We at Roundup have heard reports that our favorite curmudgeon has been bleating about a lack of support from the Princeton administration. So our sleuth staff put two and two together, and figured we needed two more for a six-pack. · Top Gun Cornell is off to an impressive 2-0 start in Ivy League play and shares the league lead with Penn. Of course, we at Roundup realize that every greyhound needs a rabbit to set the pace and then disappear. And Cornell will disappear. The Big Red roster lists eleven new players this year (eight freshman and three juco transfers) and according to sources at the Cornell Daily Sun, "everybody is still kind of feeling each other out." Oh, really. Among those junior college transfers is 27 year-old Eddie Samuel. Samuel, who never played high-school basketball, joined the Air Force after high-school. For two years he was stationed in South Dakota, and our source reports, "He didn't really like it much there." Imagine that. So, alas, Sergeant Eddie Samuel was transferred to Germany. And there he was playing in a pickup basketball game when a scout discovered his talent. If memory serves us correctly, 12-year-old Shaquille O'Neal was similarly discovered by LSU coach Dale Brown on a military base in Germany. What the hell is going on here? Why are all these college scouts and coaches hanging out at German military bases? · Sources confirm that nothing exciting happened last week at pristine Dartmouth College in Hanover, N.H. Then again, you already knew that, didn't you. It seems as if the last jolt of excitement to hit Dartmouth was when the Quakers strutted into town January 7. "We really had Penn sweatin' when we played them up here," boasted an aggravating reporter for The Dartmouth. Then this prime example of why cousins shouldn't get married went back to juggling snow balls, or whatever the hell it is they do up there. Lion Kings According to a tour-guide at the San Diego Zoo, male lions sleep 20 hours a day. Female lions actually gather the food, while the male lion eats and sleeps. Is there any wonder the lion is called the king of the jungle? At Columbia, though, the Lions' season should be put to sleep. The latest woe for the 3-10 Sky Blue Panzies occurred in Saturday's loss to Cornell when C.J. Thompkins injured his ankle. He will be out the remainder of the season. The loss of Thompkins is especially painful for the now even more hapless Lions because guard Claude Crudup left the team over winter vacation. The official reason: "Philosophical differences with the coaching staff." Our source at the Columbia Spectator translates that into: "He and Coach Rohan just didn't get along -- at all." Allegedly, Crudup and a teammate got into a fight during practice, and Crudup received a more severe punishment than his fellow combatant. So, instead of joining the Lions in the Otis Spunkmeyer Classic over the holidays, he went home and quit. Oh well, that is the way the cookie crumbles. At least that's what the Pillsbury Dough Boy told Roundup.