COLUMN: Great School, Bad Professors

From O.J. Lima's "Blues for Mr. Charlie," Winter '94 From O.J. Lima's "Blues for Mr. Charlie," Winter '94Throughout my studies in the College of Arts and Sciences I've appreciated the opportunity to sample different fields of academia. From astronomy to folklore, it has provided me a chance to learn mountains of information. Although it may not help me get a job, I can assure you I'm straight butter at Jeopardy. Schedules are made when these two factors are weighed against workload and current GPA. The academic nightmares occur when both professor Chump and professor Interesting's sections are filled. Then a student must blindly select professor Unknown. It always turns out that it's professor Unknown's class which the student can never escape. Either it's the only course that fits into your schedule or you need it to fulfill some obscure requirement. But one thing's certain, as the semester progresses, it looms overhead like the Zeppelin waiting to crash. But it isn't the course that's disenchanting, it's the bum running the show -- professor Unknown -- and ever so quickly he transforms into one of several archetypes of professor Conflict. Professor Conflict Type 1 is easy to spot. On the first day of class he or she saunters in and stares everyone down until the class is silent; even if it's a large lecture. You swear you keep hearing, "I'm always right," but his lips aren't moving. You're not hearing things. That's just his ego speaking, and it always has the last word. My Whartonite roommates have informed me that there are Type 1 Professor Conflicts hiding behind every corner in Stienberg/Dietrich. When a professor makes a statement such as, "Assume I'm God and what I tell you is given," you've stumbled upon a pretty clear sign that you're in for a Type 1 experience. The other sure sign of a Type 1 is the professor who teaches his own books. My freshman year I enrolled in a political science class. Lectures were merely live recitals of his book. The book cost $15.95 and at the end of the semester the bookstore wouldn't even buy the crap back. What a business! Each semester he's guaranteed about 2,000 bones in book sales since about 120 students must buy his text. Not to mention, in this particular clown's case, recent world events disproved his book's predictions. All of his theories were wrong -- his book isn't even worthy of recycling. Yet in 1994, he's still teaching that same book, and in the most blatantly unethical fashion he's using students to make himself money. More recently the same thing happened again, but this time it was in the Spanish department. Another Type 1 Professor Conflict had us studying a collection of short stories. He had written the introduction to the book, but taught class as if he had actually written the stories. So the class used those SAT forms to express our concern for his closed-mindedness. When he received his ratings his response to the class was vintage type 1. "I don't always think I'm right, but if you tell me the sea is red I can't agree with you. When you're wrong, you're just wrong." Unfortunately, to him everyone's blue sea was still red. The worst thing about Type 1s is that they always try their hardest to belittle you in class. Their egos are too great to sacrifice. Any researched disagreement is just wrong and merits a good public flogging. And if a student agrees? Well the class must still be made to understand, through excessive grilling and random text referral, that no one on this earth has as good a grip on the material as professor Conflict. Professor Conflict Type 2 is the character who disagrees with you in basic ideology; for example, you're black and he's a racist, you're Jewish and he's anti-Semitic or you're a woman and he's a sexist. Picture this. It's day one and much to Professor Conflict's chagrin you've raised your hand to defend an opinion contrary to his. Way to be academic! However, either you're now going home to call PARIS and withdraw or you were just trying to guarantee yourself a poor grade. My sophomore year I became an English major. I figured it was time to take some of the core requirements so I went to Professor Conflict's office and asked him for his class syllabus. He informed me that since he had already taught two days of class there would be no way I could receive a mark higher than a B-. Needless to say, I didn't enroll. Later on in the semester I related my story to a group of older black English majors. They informed me that this particular professor was notorious for down-grading and harassing black students. Would you believe this guy used to be the Head of the English department? What ever happened to our Ivy league standards? But it's Professor Conflict Type 3 who's the worst because your expectations are so high. He's the professor whose name you recognize because he's famous. Since the class sounds interesting, and the rest of your course work isn't that intense, you figure the extra work neccesary to partake in this "higher academia" is worth doing. However, this guy not only teaches his own books, but since he's the alleged mac in his field, he has the university behind him to endorse his exaggerated type 1 ego. He's never wrong, he only acknowledges nodding heads, his office hours are inconvenient (8 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. on Fridays), and he has booty-kissing peons (teaching assistants) always working hard to keep students away. He's probably tenured so your dissatisfaction isn't an issue. After all, it doesn't stop him from collecting his pay check. Overall, he's as overrated as Danny Ferry was on draft day. We all know that going to see these various Professor Conflicts is a waste of time, yet we do it anyway. We skip another class to meet his office hours hoping he'll be somewhat open to debate. But after a minute in his office it becomes evident that he has little time for your concerns or "petty complaints" which may be contrary to his opinion, and therefore wrong. Now I know I don't have a Ph.D. in anything, but I do know that there is never only one side to every story. I also know that if a professor tells me 1+1=3, I should have the right to challenge his validity without it affecting my grade. There are a lot of super-talented professors here, but that doesn't mean we should turn our backs and forget about the ones who have slipped through the administration's evaluative cracks. Students should look forward to filling out those evaluation forms. If professor Conflict's ego is out of control or he doesn't want to acknowledge other credible theories, than we should use those number two pencils to gaffle his monkey-ass. Students' comments should be taken seriously. Poor evaluations should have an effect on a professor's career. Above all, no professor should be allowed to teach his own books. Not only does it make them completely partial to certain dogmas, but it also makes them lazy. Instead of continuing research, they sit back on their laurels and teach the same stuff even after it becomes outdated. Each professor Conflict must be held accountable for his short comings. Advanced degrees should not be mistaken for permits to behave undesirably. When we allow professors to act in a non-academic, unethical and prejudiced manner we set a poor example for the student body. Since students believe in them, we often follow their lead, which recently has been straight to hell. So the next time some ludicrous commission wonders why students can't get along, it would probably be better to look in the mirror. Because it's hard for us to act intelligently when some of our role-models don't. O.J. Lima is a senior English major from Providence, Rhode Island. Blues for Mr. Charlie appears alternate Thursdays.