COLUMN: Dear Judy:

From Kenneth Baer's "Wired for Cable," Fall '93 You now return to your alma mater as a world-renowned psychologist, a mother, and the first female Ivy League president. The spotlight must be blinding and the excitement dizzying. Enjoy it while you can because Penn may be one of the country's finest universities, but it's also the toughest. Penn politics is played Philly style – as tough as John Kruk, as suave as Dr. J, and as crooked as Bill Stinson. We're a curious mix of Sheldon Hackney and Frank Rizzo: water ice served on fine china. Be warned that starting yesterday, there are about 1,500 people who want you to do what they want, now. There are another 1,500 who want you out of here by the end of the week. As a senior and an outgoing Daily Pennsylvanian editor, my Penn career and your administration will never cross paths. Yet, I am sure that in your briefings from administrators and faculty in the upcoming weeks, you will hear more about me and my colleagues on the DP's 109th Board – it probably won't be very nice. Your new advisors may tell you that the DP and especially this page were at the roots of the controversies of last year and responsible for deteriorating campus relations. To prevent any confusion for my successors, I would like to set the record straight. I know you've dealt with the college press before, but – luckily – we're no Yale Daily News. The DP is committed to covering everything on this campus, both the obvious and the hidden. We work as hard as we do to keep those in power honest out of a true love for journalism and the University. We are humbled and admittedly awe-struck by our responsibility as a press. Yet we believe that for the DP to be a good University citizen, it should not be a "yes man," but a "why man." When you come to Penn in July, realize that everyone on the DP staff works tirelessly to make the University a better place. It is out of this love, this rabid Red and Blue pride, that I have worked this past year to bring all views into the Page Six forum. True, feelings were hurt and people were outraged, but then again, minds were provoked, and no matter how hard my cynical side denies it, vibrant debate occurred. I write you this letter to welcome you to our ongoing discussion. Out of my earnest desire to improve Penn, allow me to be so presumptuous as to suggest an action plan of 10 things you should do in your first 100 days. 1. Give an unequivocal statement on your feelings regarding free expression. Regardless of your stance, make it clear from the outset what kind of intellectual environment you want to create at the University. Form no committees to tell you what to say. You're obviously an intelligent and thoughtful person so hole up in College Hall and devise a statement. 2. Have an open house in Eisenlohr. For one day right before the start of the Fall semester, open up the presidential mansion for all students to come in, have a drink, and hang out. Send out for pizza and a few kegs, sit back, sans handlers, and chew the fat with the masses. 3. Announce a plan to totally re-vamp the Office of University Life. The first step has already been taken with the "transfer" of Kim Morrison from the top job. The creative part is left up to you. Many a problem has come out of the University Life office, never to be solved. Are these people improving students' lives, or are they just they over-grown camp counselors and over-qualified junior high vice principals? The answer is: yes. Clean house. 4. Present a new student judicial code and faculty just cause procedure. You must know about "water buffalo," but I bet the search committee never told you that Penn has a convicted plagiarist on its faculty. Both judicial systems are rife with problems. Restore due process and fairness to the student code and justice and accountability to the faculty one. 5. Randomize freshmen housing. As you said in your interview Monday night, it works at Yale. So why shouldn't it work here? Along with randomization, kick off a capital campaign with funds earmarked for a major renovation and upgrading of on-campus housing. 6. Move sorority and fraternity rush to sophomore year. Although not as strong as it was in 1966, the Greek system thrives at Penn. Unfortunately, as recent polling data confirmed, it has a divisive effect on campus, especially freshman year. Show you're serious from the get-go. They'll never know what hit them. 7. Centralize the University's budgeting. Presently, 14 little fiefdoms compete for University funds. Continue the work your mentor Elliot Stellar did by building a real "One University." On a similar note, get rid of the separate Wharton copying card. It may seem minor, but the symbolism will speak volumes. BONUS: For added fiscal responsibility, institute zero-based budgeting. 8. Have a drink at Smoke's. Pick a weekend night, go into Smoke's and re-introduce yourself to the Ryan's. You will not only score major points with students, but you will also win over a key alumni connection and source of information. 9. Present a policy statement on statements. Pledge to admit mistakes, to not bullshit when you don't know the answer, to take a stand even when it may be unpopular, and pledge to accept responsibility. It will be incredibly refreshing. 10. Resolve the ROTC issue. This controversy has been festering for years. I realize it hurt Clinton, but it demands an immediate decision – no matter what it is. By the way, don't forget to find a way to bus ROTC students to St. Joe's. I am upset that I will not be here for the heady days of a new administration, but on second thought, I've had a little too much excitement these past two semesters. As I put down my pen, I feel confident that the University is in capable hands. Best of luck. Take no prisoners. Kenneth Baer is a senior History major from Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Wired for Cable appeared alternate Wednesdays.