It was a miracle on 33rd Street yesterday for the Weenies of The Daily Pennsylvanian. The non-sports staff defeated a clearly superior DPOSTM squad 14-7 in a highly controversial game at Franklin Field in the 122nd Annual Kamin Cup. The estimated crowd of three people and two bicycles witnessed the spectacle, as the Weenies' travesty of a team featured only Photo and Street ringers and failed to have a girl on the field at all times, a flagrant violation of Cup rules.

Ibrahim Jaaber has made a living out of patience. But he doesn't have to wait anymore. In high school, Jaaber was snubbed by the programs he had been eyeing. But he had the good sense to take a prep year and end up at a college that needed his talents. At Penn, he waited patiently to step into the offense behind Tim Begley - picking his spots, knowing his role and learning what he could along the way.

Missing the core of its starting roster, the Penn wrestling team still managed to secure a hard-fought second place yesterday at the Palestra in the Keystone Classic. Led by 125-pound champion senior Matt Eveleth and 157-pound winner sophomore Matt Dragon, the Quakers finished 13 points behind tournament champion Columbia.

Sophomore Maggie Burgess took only one shot during last night's 54-53 victory over Lehigh, but that one basket was the most critical of the game. With 15 seconds remaining and the Quakers trailing 53-52, senior Lauren Pears hit Burgess from the baseline. And Burgess sunk her jumper from off the left block, putting Penn (1-0, 0-0 Ivy) up by one.

There was no need for dramatics this time around. Monica Naltner posted a double-double, Joey Rhoads led the way with 25 points, and the Penn women's basketball team rolled to a 77-65 triumph over Rider yesterday.

ITHACA, N.Y. - Different opponent, same story. For four of its last five games, the Quakers have suffered a close loss resulting from special teams mistakes. So it was an appropriate finale at Cornell when the Red and Blue lost 28-27 after failing a trick play for a two-point conversion with under two minutes to go.

It wasn't always pretty, and it wasn't over after 15 minutes like Drexel's blowout. But it was a win in the home opener with coach Glen Miller making his debut on the Palestra's home bench.

The cream of the crop will grapple tonight to determine the strongest wrestlers in the country. The NWCA All-Star Classic takes place in Dallas, and No. 14 Penn has two representatives poised to battle against their top-ranked counterparts. Defending national champion and current national No.

Saturday against Cornell, the men's and women's squash teams were just going through the motions. And going through the motions was all they needed to do as each team decisively defeated the Big Red, 9-0, at Ringe Courts to start a promising season on the right track.

CHICAGO - Penn alumnus Mark DeRosa became the first major-league free agent to switch teams this offseason, agreeing Tuesday to a $13 million, three-year contract with the Chicago Cubs. A nine-year veteran who played for the Quakers from 1994-96, winning an Ivy title in 1995, he is expected to be the Cubs' everyday second baseman next season.

Say the words "Big Red" to yourself - what comes to mind? A fire truck? Your Asian study partner's face after one drink? A cinnamon-flavored gum? Those giant cylinders outside the high rises, perhaps? What doesn't come to mind is a college's mascot. And yet, this is exactly what our friends from Ithaca, N.

Glen Miller is ready to make his mark at the Palestra. For the first time in his career, he will hover over the west bench as the Quakers play their home opener against Florida Gulf Coast tomorrow night.

It wasn't always pretty, and it wasn't what Drexel did. But it was a win in the home opener and on coach Glen Miller's debut on the Palestra's home bench. Paced by 26 points from Mark Zoller, Penn struggled in the first half before opening up a double-digit lead and easing past Florida Gulf Coast, 97-74.

ITHACA, N.Y. The record will show that Penn finished this football season at 5-5 and 3-4 in the Ivy League, identical to last year's record. It will also show that the Quakers lost its five games by a total of 15 points, with a 27-20 loss to Villanova being the worst defeat.

Many things were different for Stephen Liuzza when he came to Ithaca, N.Y., from his home in Louisiana, but change is something the freshman has had to get used to. Liuzza started his playing days on the Slidell High School football team in southeast Louisiana, but he was forced to relocate as Hurricane Katrina roared toward the coast.

They're among the most bitter of rivals in college football, and their meeting this year takes on extra meaning because of their position atop the standings. Still, the loser of tomorrow's game, depending on who it is, still has a shot at a championship, assuming that a pesky team from New Jersey doesn't get in the way.

There is no title up for grabs and no rushing record at stake. There is no spoiler role to play. So by most accounts, tomorrow's matchup between Penn (5-4, 3-3 Ivy) and Cornell (4-5, 2-4), will lack the excitement and the relevance of Harvard-Yale or Princeton-Dartmouth.