Harvard basketball coach Tommy Amaker, visibly upset by pro referee’s obvious ‘SBD.’ Amaker is still recovering from a gas-related respiratory illness.
With good news comes bad news.
After Eric Dolan’s fame from “The Halperts” shone a light on Ivy athletics, the dark underbelly of Harvard’s cheating has come to national attention.
The Crimson’s recent quiz bowl scandal led to the discovery of numerous cheating scandals around Harvard, including the revisiting of last year’s controversy involving basketball starters Brandyn Curry and Kyle Casey.
Outside of the basketball players, athletes from Harvard’s football, hockey and baseball teams were all caught Crimson-handed after cheating in “Introduction to Congress.”
The controversy has created an uproar nationally, causing many sports personalities to comment on the wrongdoing at Harvard.
“I’m shocked that there is so much cheating around Harvard athletics,” CBS Sports analyst Doug Gottlieb said. “Usually, you need to have sustained success before they let you cheat.”
Amid pressure from many national organizations, Harvard hired former FBI director Louis Freeh to conduct an independent investigation into the deep-seated controversy while focusing on Harvard’s more successful sports programs, like basketball and quiz bowl.
Holding with the precedent set at Penn State, Freeh neglected to interview any of the important people involved in the main controversy, including Casey, Curry, basketball coach Tommy Amaker and Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust.
Instead, Freeh talked with over 6,000 people in a two-month span, including interviews with students and athletic figures around the Ivy League.
Freeh announced all his findings at a press conference Tuesday.
“We are here today because a terrible tragedy was allowed to occur over many years at Harvard, one in which many students were repeatedly cheating and gravely harmful.
“After a long investigation, we are firmly able to conclude that every student at Harvard has engaged in cheating of some form in the past four years.”
Additionally, Freeh uncovered emails between Harvard basketball coach Tommy Amaker and New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, in which Amaker asked for advice on filming opposing team’s practices.
This led to the discovery of tapes of every Ivy League basketball team’s practices — except Columbia and Dartmouth.
The tape of Penn basketball was simply video of Tony Hicks driving past the entire defense while coach Allen bemoaned the Quakers’ lack of defensive principles.
“You didn’t see nothin’, you didn’t hear nothin,’” Allen said when asked about the tapes.
Despite Freeh’s findings, Ivy League Executive Director Robin Harris has been decidedly silent about the report, leading most analysts to believe that no action will be taken against Harvard Athletics.
“This Eric Dolan thing is really taking off,” Harris said. “I can only focus on one thing at a time.”
Meanwhile, Harvard students are rejoicing at the lack of punishment.
“It is such a relief that no one has suspended us yet,” said Casey about cheating last year. “I thought it would be a lot harder to get away with this.”
This article appeared in the Daily Pennsylvanian’s Joke Issue 2013. For more information, click here.
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