*"Letter" from the Editor | Insert opinion here

*This letter appeared in the 2010 Joke Issue.

I know you don’t care what I have to say.

And the truth is, The Daily Pennsylvanian ran out of unique things to say a long time ago.

So I’m not going to write a letter. You’re going to write an editorial.

We’re glad that Penn finally decided to (something that pissed off half of campus). In fact, we can’t think of any better way to (a statement that looks like it means something but actually is just a way to fill up space when we don’t have a real opinion).

Over the past (arbitrary amount of time), students have needed something to help them (action that students pretend to do while they’re really just day drinking), and it’s about time the University decided to step up to help.

This is a big first step toward a more (adjective that couldn’t be farther from the truth) Penn. But there’s still more that could be done. The administration could (random request that the University will never fulfill). This would allow students to (cheesy cliche that resembles a verb), something we feel is vital for students’ future success.

(Statement that could be misconstrued as accurate by opinionated administrators and student leaders).

(Statement that could be easily interpreted as racist despite our best efforts.)

Check back next week for our well-written opinion on (issue that nobody actually cares about).

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.