*Class days added due to snow days

*This story appeared in the 2010 Joke Issue.

Although snow has been replaced with sunny spring weather, its presence this winter will still make an impact on Penn.

After considerable deliberation, the University has decided to extend the spring semester to compensate for class time lost in the two snow days this winter, according to Provost Vincent Price and Executive Vice President Craig Carnaroli.

The first back-to-back University closings since 1994, the February snow days threw both professors and students for a loop. As a result, two reading days will be canceled, and classes will last through April 29 instead of April 27.

Penn is following the lead of other schools who have added class days. For example, Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore tacked on a week of classes to the end of the year after canceling school for an entire week in February.

Penn President Amy Gutmann will be traveling in China during the extension, but she encourages all students to remain invested in their schoolwork.

Consistent attendance and interest will be difficult to maintain, however, as students are outraged by the announcement.

“I straight up cannot believe this,” Undergraduate Assembly President-elect Matt Amalfitano said. “I called my mom this morning to discuss the pros and cons of transferring to Temple for the remainder of the school year.”

A sorority sister, who wished to remain anonymous, was totally annoyed.

“I needed those reading days to do the work I bailed on all semester,” she said. “I can’t help it that it takes me til Monday to recover from Copa Wednesdays.”

In addition to Hopkins, three community colleges in Maryland have already announced similar extensions.

“I thought it was appropriate to act in accordance with our peer schools,” Gutmann said. “Anne Arundel Community College has always served as a positive example for us.”

It is at these moments, College Dean Dennis DeTurck said, when we must ask ourselves if getting wasted and going sledding — as cited in the Feb. 11 issue of The Daily Pennsylvanian — was really worth it.

DeTurck mentioned that a calmer snow day, spent drinking hot chocolate, eating cookies and reading on his iPad, would have sounded less inflammatory to the administration.

Certain overachievers responded positively to the news.

“I’m thrilled to have more class time,” Undergraduate Assembly has-been and infamous Australian ginger Alec Webley said. “I was beside myself on Feb. 11, and on Feb. 12 I sat outside Van Pelt for three hours in the snow protesting the blasphemy of the class cancelation.”

Several UA representatives and “devoted Weblettes” were considering a flash mob if no actions were taken. The Student Labor Action Project was also planning on protesting.

Most alarming to the student body was University spokeswoman Lori Doyle’s reaction.

“Nobody mentioned this to me,” she said. “Weren’t the snow days last year?”

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