*This article appeared in the 2009 joke issue.
Glen Miller's dog, Snuggles, will transfer to another family, the canine's mother confirmed in a press release yesterday.
"Snuggles needs to live in a house where she has confidence in the family's leaders," the bitch said.
She went on to describe the ideal family as one that could "fully utilize Snuggles' skill set" - namely, eating, crapping and chewing on her own ass.
Among other grievances, Snuggles allegedly grew weary of her owner's habit of talking in his sleep, unleashing shrieks of, "Backscreen! Backscreen! Someone make a fucking three!" in the dead of night.
