I support gay marriage. Not just civil unions: the whole shebang. I was raised in Massachusetts, so I guess my liberalism shouldn't come as any surprise, but this issue just seems like a no-brainer to me. Over the summer, right after the state supreme court declared gay marriage legal, a lesbian woman at the office I worked in decided to marry her long-time partner. So we threw her a shower. There was a cake and presents, and I'm pretty sure confetti was involved. She cried. Our co-workers cried. It was nice and moving and --- get this -- totally normal.
At least I thought so, because I really can't understand the arguments against gay marriage. I've tried to figure it out, because it's a hot-button issue that many people strongly oppose, and I assumed there must be a legitimate reason for their opposition. But try as I might, I can't take even one step in their shoes. All the explanations fall flat and end up looking like nothing more than thin veils for homophobic bigotry.
The main argument of those opposed to gay marriage is that it ruins the sanctity of the institution of marriage. Being worried about the institution of marriage is a completely legitimate concern, and one with which I heartily agree, given that our society sees more than half of marriages end in divorce. But I don't think that rabid opposition to gay marriages is really bred out of concern for the sanctity of the union, because our society makes a mockery of marriage almost every day during prime time. Those who oppose gay marriage but watch these shows religiously are narrow-minded hypocrites.
I was lucky enough to catch the most recent episode of Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy, Fox's reality TV show that takes two wives from culturally incompatible households and makes them live each other's lives for a week. Inevitably, the wives and their "new families" hate each other, and conflict/screaming/crying occurs. The entire show is based on filming the chaos that arises when Fox takes two marriages and turns them on their heads. The network is, without question, toying with the institution of marriage, and people eat it up.
But Trading Spouses is a shining example of respect for marriage compared to other shows. The conclusion of the episode has the women happily return to their real homes, thus reinforcing the idea of the happy marriage, even if the institution did have to get dragged through some embarrassing mud in the process. This positive message contrasts with shows like The Bachelor, where marriage is a prize and a few weeks worth of "rose ceremonies" are supposed to reveal the perfect match, two people destined to love and respect each other for a lifetime.
Consider these other examples: Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, an NBC show from a few seasons ago that had two daughters interviewing women contestants, game show style, for their widowed father's hand. Neither My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance nor Wife Swap sanctifies marriage. And the ever-classy Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire -- well, I think that speaks for itself.
Faced with this laundry list of prime time matrimonial mockeries, I ask you this: where is the outrage? Where are the protests? Where are the people getting shunned and discriminated against for watching The Bachelorette? With wedding vows reduced to the same status as the new refrigerator they invariably give away on Wheel of Fortune, it seems more than a little disingenuous to say that you oppose gay marriage because it is defaming marriage as a whole.
It's this maddening hypocrisy that keeps me from being able to understand the argument against gay marriage. If people are really worried about the sanctity of the institution, they should be boycotting these shows and praying for the souls of the producers. Instead, these shows are widely popular, which proves the inconsistency of the position.
A corollary to the "sanctity of marriage" argument is that marriage is a Christian institution, and homosexuality is not a Christian way of life. This would hold slightly more water but for one small problem: marriage is not really a Christian institution. Marriage has existed for as long as humans. The ancient Greeks invented the wedding ring, and the institution itself goes back many more millennia. Even during the last 2000 years of Christian ascendancy, marriage has existed outside of that religion. Not every marriage is Christian, and saying that gay marriage ruins the sanctity of Christian unions is the same as saying that two Buddhists getting hitched has a similar effect because neither one abides by the pillars of the Christian faith.
My reasoning is not set in stone, and I am open to persuasion. In fact, I would love to hear an opinion -- one that is consistent and free of hypocrisy -- as to why gay marriage is wrong. I challenge any who have such an explanation to lay it out in the comments section below. But until someone says otherwise, I can't help but feel that people are opposed to gay marriage only because they are opposed to gay people.
