Gutmann: 2004 Spring Fling will be last at Penn

(This article appeared in the 4/5/04 joke issue)This year's Spring Fling will be Penn's last, University President-elect Amy Gutmann announced yesterday, following a week of discussion with administrators and University Trustees about her Strategic Plan.

"We decided that overall, Spring Fling is responsible for negative morale and poor school image," Gutmann said. "We suspect that there will be far fewer hospitalizations and unwanted pregnancies next April."

While faculty masters and graduate associates alike openly celebrated Gutmann's announcement, Penn's undergraduate population remains in denial.

"I just don't understand why [Gutmann] is getting rid of Fling," College senior Dillon Kuehn said. "Who does she think she is?"

Gutmann's decision represents the first of many sweeping changes she plans to make at Penn in order to implement her Strategic Plan. Though many of the measures await approval at the June meeting of the Board of Trustees, Gutmann explained that Fling was easily cut.

"While I recognize many students look forward to Fling every year, I think there are better ways for Penn students to come together and celebrate as a community," Gutmann said. "The yearly cost of college house clean-up and repair after Fling -- on top of the cost of the event itself -- could be used to fund any number of projects to better Penn as a whole."

University spokeswoman Lori Doyle agreed that the removal of Fling will positively affect the University.

"After much deliberation, Dr. Gutmann and the trustees reached a decision that will help move Penn forward as an institution -- not only in the U.S. News and World Report rankings, but hopefully in other mainstream publications as well," Doyle said. She also expressed her relief that Fling will no longer be around when her son comes to Penn.

University President Judith Rodin said the decision to remove Fling is in the best interest of both administrators and students.

"While I recognize the tradition and pride vested in Spring Fling, I think there are better ways for all of us in the Penn community to explore the rich history of this fine University without engaging in potentially risky behavior," Rodin said. "It is important to embrace our traditions while at the same time always representing the University community in the best light."

"I never liked Fling when I was a student here," she added. "I recall far too many headaches and little else."

Though Rodin was not directly involved in the decision, she said that she fully supports Gutmann's action.

Others were not as happy with Fling being canceled, however.

Undergraduate Assembly Chairman and College senior Jason Levy vowed he would bring Spring Fling back for next year.

"I won't sleep until Spring Fling is back for 2005," Levy said, though he rescinded his pledge after being reminded that he was graduating in May.

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