PrognostiQuakers

So, we, the PrognostiQuakers actually lost last week. Well, actually, no. This week is our mulligan, so to speak. And we know we won't have to take another one after this weekend. Mmm. Columbia is coming to town. It's obvious that the Lions will get worked over harder than a pledge for [insert your favorite Greek (or pseudo-greek) organization here]. Sole difference, Columbia will get spanked during the day time. "When they coined the term `rebuilding,' they must've had the 2002 Columbia offense in mind," it reads in their football media guide. So we know that the Lions can't top the Quakers in football. But, we thought, "What could Columbia do better than us? Anything?" Turns out, it's nothing. However, We called up some friends over in the Harlem area, and they did tell us that Columbia has more famous actresses than we do. Julia Stiles "attends" Columbia. Right. And that new movie theater will really open on Nov. 8. Anyway, we gave Ms. Stiles a call. Unfortunately, she's out shooting a new movie. We don't know what film it is, but it surely will involve Stiles showing her awful dance moves, possibly while sitting on a chair and wearing a backwards hat. So, anyway, we decided to steal our own idea from last week and call up something related to animals. We even tried to call the original Lion of the 1939 Wizard of Oz, himself - Bert Lahr - and received very disappointing news. He's been dead for 35 years. "...," said Lahr. But that wasn't a great prediction, so we decided to try a better source- the International Wizard of Oz Club. With 1,351 Wizard of Oz members worldwide, we had a lot to pick from. But our choice came down to none other than the leader of the pride, Ms. Robyn Knutson herself. Knutson was a little too busy to field our call. She was deep in preparation for the bi-monthly meeting of Oz-lovers worldwide, the South Winkie Convention. We don't have enough space to make fun of that, so just think up your own joke. Anyway, we decided the next best thing to talking to Knutson was speaking to her dad, Louis. He didn't say much, but he did give us the pick we needed. "Columbia. hmm. ain't got no courage. "Well, then I'd have to take Penn this week. They'll win - 28-13." A bold pick - but this is one we've got confidence in. Penn 28, Cowardly Lions 13

Week Five Picks

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