[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.] [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination· Undergraduate Assembly Treasurer Michael Bassik (see michaelbassik.com) was arrested and charged with public urination, after he allegedly pissed on UA Chairman Michael Silver, whom Bassik lost an election to last year. Bassik claimed a history of poor bladder control, though several sources said he was screaming "take that Mikey" at the time. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination· Undergraduate Assembly Treasurer Michael Bassik (see michaelbassik.com) was arrested and charged with public urination, after he allegedly pissed on UA Chairman Michael Silver, whom Bassik lost an election to last year. Bassik claimed a history of poor bladder control, though several sources said he was screaming "take that Mikey" at the time.Armed robbery[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination· Undergraduate Assembly Treasurer Michael Bassik (see michaelbassik.com) was arrested and charged with public urination, after he allegedly pissed on UA Chairman Michael Silver, whom Bassik lost an election to last year. Bassik claimed a history of poor bladder control, though several sources said he was screaming "take that Mikey" at the time.Armed robbery· Just kidding. God forbid the crime reporter should have something to write about. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination· Undergraduate Assembly Treasurer Michael Bassik (see michaelbassik.com) was arrested and charged with public urination, after he allegedly pissed on UA Chairman Michael Silver, whom Bassik lost an election to last year. Bassik claimed a history of poor bladder control, though several sources said he was screaming "take that Mikey" at the time.Armed robbery· Just kidding. God forbid the crime reporter should have something to write about.All information sucked out of University Police Chief Maureen Rush's head. Rush tried to put a positive spin on every incident, but she was unsuccessful because of our clever mind-control devices. [NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.]Bloodless coup·EApril 7 -- A University staff member reported that Jennifer Baldino and Nancy Nowicki, top aides to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, staged a bloodless coup last week and are now in control of College Hall. Faculty loyal to Rodin and Barchi are reportedly armed and ready to storm the building with the help of architectural plans obtained from Penn Students Against Sweatshops.Burglary· April 8 -- Several offices inside Weightman Hall were burglarized by a man described by witnesses as a white male, about 35 years old with a slightly heavy build and sweat dripping from his brow. He was poorly dressed at the time of the robbery.Public intoxication·EApril 8 -- Provost Robert Barchi was found stumbling down 40th Street outside of Smokey Joe's, exclaiming "Alcohol policy my ass." He was arrested for public intoxication and taken to the Philadelphia Police Department's 18th District office at 55th and Pine streets for questioning.Public urination· Undergraduate Assembly Treasurer Michael Bassik (see michaelbassik.com) was arrested and charged with public urination, after he allegedly pissed on UA Chairman Michael Silver, whom Bassik lost an election to last year. Bassik claimed a history of poor bladder control, though several sources said he was screaming "take that Mikey" at the time.Armed robbery· Just kidding. God forbid the crime reporter should have something to write about.All information sucked out of University Police Chief Maureen Rush's head. Rush tried to put a positive spin on every incident, but she was unsuccessful because of our clever mind-control devices.-- The Notorious B.I.G. and The Notorious R.O.D.
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