DP SWAMIS: Thursday, March 23, 2000

While we normally reserve the powers of our Swamihood for Ivy League football, we have become quite concerned with the goings-on in this NCAA Tournament. We're so concerned that we interrupted our Swami vacations and made an early return to West Philadelphia. It's this March Madness. It's just, well, maddening. Seeing the havoc the tournament has been wreaking on office pools across the world, we figured we were the only ones who could help. Before arriving in Philadelphia, however, we made a rest stop to see just how crazy this bracket business really was. After parking our carpets in Winston-Salem, N.C., we sat watching in shock as our beloved Quakers made an early exit from the Dance. Immediately, we were convinced that picking this thing is not as easy as knowing Penn will stomp Ivy rivals on the gridiron each fall. That's right, even we Swamis do not have perfect brackets. With the Red and Blue flying back to Philadelphia, we turned to the Carolina locals. If anyone could help, it would be the hosts of the NCAA sub-regional, we figured. How wrong we were "You see, I'm trying to think, but I just can't think," a bewildered bartender at the Winston-Salem Adam's Mark informed us. "I would like to think, but I'm just not thinking about nothin'." Well, we Swamis simply needed to think for ourselves. This tournament was just too overwhelming. Not only were the Quakers sitting at home after the first weekend, so were Stanford, Arizona and St. John's. Even our friend John Chaney -- an institution as old as the Swamis -- will not be at the Final Four. We revved up the carpets and made a beeline to Swami Headquarters at 4015 Walnut to do some serious work. Arriving in University City, though, we received even more disheartening news. One of our own, Swami Judy, was just too busy with her day job in College Hall to join in our prognostication party. Reduced to 12, we decided to go on. Our readers need us, we thought. Pigskin predictions were how we gained our fame, but this situation was just too serious. We needed to step in. We had to make a move. So here are the picks, friends. Knowing that all of you need help in filling out your Sweet 16 bracket for the DP Sports/Smoke's Contest, we offer our help. Our purpose, after all, is to serve you. Following an all-night session with our crystal ball, we retreated to Smoke's, a favorite Swami hangout, for dinner -- feeling a sense of accomplishment, knowing one of our lucky readers will soon receive a free meal from the PENNstitution. Our job is done. It's time to retire to our summer Swami homes for the offseason. See you in September.