COLUMN: Making teenagers into sex symbols

From Daniel Fienberg's, "The Fien Print," Fall '99 From Daniel Fienberg's, "The Fien Print," Fall '99I'm sending Jerry Falwell a copy of the latest issue of Rolling Stone. I believe it removes all doubt about the sexuality of poor Tinky Winky. Sure, he carries a purse. Yah, that purple jumper is way fruity. And heaven knows what the antennae on his head are for. But the guy has his own fashion sense and all praise to him. However, any thoughts that he and Po were off doing something deviant behind the baby's-head-like Teletubby sun should be easily erased by the look of pure lust on his face as he stares at lingerie-clad teenybopper Britney Spears. Who, Rolling Stone seems to ask, can blame him? Rarely has the sex- and rock 'n' roll-driven publication been able to suck in an audience in so many ways. First, you have the musical side of the cover girl: Britney's album, ?Baby One More Time is one of the year's biggest hits and the title track has been in constant rotation on MTV. And that brings us to Britney the fetish: Feeding off of the video which features our protagonist prancing around in a Catholic schoolgirl's skirt and knee-highs, RS has a saucy spread of Britney in all-white, angelic and surrounded by dolls and stuffed bunnies; there's Britney in tight Daisy Dukes, "Baby, Baby" spelled in rhinestones on her rear, ready to mount a flowery pink bike; and there is Britney at a baseball diamond, safely behind the backstop which protects her from a throng of eager fans. And finally the magazine has perhaps the best draw of all, Britney the unrelentingly wholesome and bland person: She's a church going Southern belle who finds South Park "sacrilegious" and probably calls everybody "ma'am" or "sir." It isn't enough to just be cute or wholesome if you want to be accepted into the teen market these days. An entire television network, it seems, has grown around different interpretations of teenage sexual development. Whether you look at it as a supernatural (the incomparable Buffy), post-ironic (Dawson's Creek) or wholesome (7th Heaven) phenomenon, the WB is going to fairly extreme lengths to nail that 12-18 demographic. It's all reached an uncomfortable saturation point where it feels as if the teen sex icons are totally unaware of how they are being marketed. Young Britney on Access Hollywood purrs that she'd love to steal Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston, seemingly unaware that in a dozen states she would be setting Brad up for a statutory rape sentence. And the Backstreet Boys, gods of the playground set (and probably more than one or two underclassmen), stir their crowds to the max when one emotes, "Am I sexual?" For most 10-year-olds the answer is probably an unconditional, "Huh? Whooo-Hooo!!!!" Teenhood begins with what is almost a five- or six-year period of inebriation. You do lots of things that seem fun and then, when you sober up, you realize how badly you embarrassed yourself. And then, rather than asking people to remind you of the stupid things you did, it seems somehow safer to push it under the rug. Why, oh why, I ask, didn't our older siblings, who embraced Flock of Seagulls, warn us? And why, having been suckered in by the likes of New Kids on the Block and Milli Vanilli, do we refuse to sit down and have a little chat with our younger siblings. It would save so much trouble. "So, um, sis, was that 'N Sync you were listening to?" "No, it was the Backstreet Boys." "Oh. You realize they're all freaks, don't you?" "No they aren't! They're the best singers and dancers on Earth. And Nick Carter is just dreamy!" "OK. But when you start burning that 98 Degrees CD, don't come to me looking for propane." So, with all this in mind, I'm just wondering who Rolling Stone and MTV are pandering to with these nymphets and mini-(stud)muffins. Or are they moving targetlessly, hoping that youths will buy into the hype, allure and sexuality before realizing how guilty and fleeting such pleasures really are. And we can all just pray that they'll come to their senses before La-La, Dipsy and Po become tainted.