Penn versus Princeton: Round 1 at the Palestra

Tigers to play with numbers We tried to tell you before last year's first Princeton-Penn men's basketball game, but you just didn't listen. You kept on thinking that your team was better, that your beloved Quakers would somehow rise above their meager basketball skills and finally earn their keep. Well, we all know they didn't. In fact, they got blown out of Jadwin, 71-52. So please listen this time, for your own sake, as I explain why you will lose tonight. Don't worry -- I'll do it slowly, so you can understand. Not only will I refrain from using large words, but I'll even limit my small words, because it seems those gave you trouble last year. Instead, I'm going to base my explanation on something I know you understand. That's right -- numbers! I'm sure they teach you those at the Wharton School. So for the next 30 minutes (or longer, if you're an undergrad) read through these numbers and their accompanying explanations. If you get to the end and you still think Penn will win, it's my fault. I either A) didn't include enough numbers or B) completely overestimated your intelligence. Here goes: 10: No, not the number of times you got shot at on your last trip to the Palestra. Rather, 10 graces the back of the best player in the Ivy League. Brian Earl is not the same baby-faced freshman with a pretty jump shot and not much else that you faced three years ago. Nor is he even the spot shooter and adequate defender of a year ago. Now a senior, Earl doesn't just bomb from behind the arc; he takes people off the dribble and pulls up for easy jumpers. And he doesn't just play mediocre defense; he shuts people down. Oh yeah, and if he does shoot from outside, your Quakers might as well start running up the other end of the court. 25: No, not the number of NCAA violations your football team has piled up. Instead, 25 is the amount of points Tiger sixth-man Mason Rocca poured in against Dartmouth Saturday night. I'll admit, Princeton didn't have an answer for Paul Romanczuk's muscle in the post last season. Tonight, however, that shouldn't be a problem. Rocca is the physical presence the Tigers have lacked for years, a 6'7", 210-lb. power forward who is not afraid to mix it up. He can stop Romanczuk on the blocks, and, as Dartmouth figured out too late, he can dominate on the other end of the floor as well. 34: Sorry, but I'm not talking about the percentage of you who wanted to go to Princeton. I wouldn't stoop to that level. And besides, it's probably much higher. Instead, 34 is the number of consecutive Ivy games that Princeton has won. That makes head coach Bill Carmody's league record 34-0. What makes you think you're going to tarnish that record? I think I have an idea: 23: Here it is, the number you've been waiting for, the one you're sure will bring your team a victory tonight and an NCAA berth come March. I hate to break it to you, Penn, but No. 23 does not adorn the uniform of Michael Jordan, His Airness II. It does, however, occupy the jersey of Michael Jordan, junior point guard who has never beaten Princeton. Jordan is not M.J., nor is he even the best player in the league. (We already went over that, remember?) Admittedly, Jordan can score and play defense. But he, along with the great majority of the Quakers, is winless against the Tigers. These Princeton-Penn games require savvy and toughness, something Earl and senior forward Gabe Lewullis clearly have demonstrated. Jordan & Co. are still trying to figure it out. 8,700: I know this is a big one, but don't get scared. It has nothing to do with the Quakers' payroll (that's much, much higher) or the money your student government spends on those great blue foam fingers and shirts that say you rock the Palestra, or even the number of frills on that white lace shirt your sketchy mascot wears. No, 8,700 is the number of people the Palestra holds. Many of those 8,700 will come to the game tonight thinking the Quakers will win. But you, my friends, you have been enlightened. Assuming you listened this time, you already understand what all of the 8,700 will realize after tonight's game: Princeton is better than Penn. I have one last set of numbers for you to examine before you strap on your bulletproof vest, pack up your Stock Market for Dummies book and head off to class. 65-57. Princeton.