COLUMN: Sighing and smiling today

From Malik Wilson's, "RosZ," Fall '99 From Malik Wilson's, "RosZ," Fall '99The only thing worse than having a National Affirmative Action Day is having to have a National Affirmative Action Day. You don't see athletes, legacies or students from underrepresented states forced to demonstrate their ability to attend this illustrious institution. But Wednesday, February 24, is National Affirmative Action Day. And like most things that have to do with minorities, we put aside a day, a week, or -- can you believe it! -- a month to say "Thank you for your gracious contributions to our society, now back to our regularly scheduled programming." I read the article quickly over 1920 Commons chicken before turning ahead to the World page to read about my favorite president. My meal was soon interrupted by an excited colleague who wanted to know how I was going to respond. "I'm not sure," I remember saying, feeling my mood slide down a few inches. "Aren't you outraged?" another friend asked. "Yes, I am," I would say sadly. But I didn't know if I was. I had read the column. But instead of feeling upset, I felt tired. Tired of people not understanding what so many others understood. Tired of having my very existence as a student at this institution challenged. Later that day, several people stopped me on the Walk. "Malik, did you see that column!?" "What are you gonna do Malik?" I thought of the old M.C. Hammer video, where after being asked the latter question, Hammer responds by shouting "I'm gonna turn this Mutha out!" and dancing across the room. That response seemed about as logical as anything else I could say. Instead, I told everyone "Yeah, I'll write something," feeling slightly queasy. I asked a few people for advice. Everyone had a different idea about what to do. "Yell at em!" "Talk nicely to them!" "Butter 'em up and then send 'em flying" "Put it on thick and heavy!" I sat at my computer with all these suggestions floating around my mind. But the blank screen staring back at me offered no answers. I didn't feel like "buttering" somebody up in order to convince them that I belong here. There is a certain sighing glory one takes in writing such a column. In the cold realization that something must be said. But it is underpinned by a deep sadness, a sadness arising from the very necessity of the act. There is a vexing anxiety in seeing that your ability to persuade others will affect your very existence as a student at Penn. Upon my head you place the burden of proving my own merit. "Lowly one, prove yourself!" the opponents of affirmative action charge. "Prove this!" we say to ourselves, although in print we are nicer. In 1999, only a generation since you gave my parents the right to vote, myriad ways still exist to ensure the continued aggrievement of African Americans. I would have preferred to write this column about my love for football, or about President Clinton, or about how Frank Sinatra and Tupac Shakur represent the same thing to different people. But these things will have to wait. Freedom is a necessity. And it is also a burden. It amazes me how quickly we forget, how readily we choose to ignore, how effortlessly we fall on our own sword of liberty. In our quasi-religious pursuit of "freedom," we forget that the world in which we live is fundamentally unjust, driven not only by our vaunted ideals, but also by our paranoia and prejudices. Only a generation ago, my parents couldn't vote. And even today, the inability of so many people to perceive what is painfully obvious to others reminds us how far we still have to go. People of above average "intelligence" tell us the playing field has been successfully leveled; a government that did its damnedest to ensure the oppression of African Americans need not offer future assistance; a student coming from Great Neck South will have the same opportunities as a student coming out of West Philadelphia High; a minority will experience no more discrimination throughout his or her lifetime than a white person will; a 4.0 and 1500 will indicate your future success, happiness and contribution to society. Now you tell me. Who should be the ones proving their intelligence?