COLUMN: My preference, my business

From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '97 From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '97Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? Last week, The Daily Pennsylvanian ran an article on their cover page entitled "Are Penn gays 'out' enough?"(DP, 2/10/97). The article pointed out that the "lesbian, gay and bisexual community are constantly fighting" to obtain visibility. Why? I've never been to a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Alliance meeting, but I support them entirely. I'm sure many people questioning their sexuality appreciate a non-judgmental environment; they can discuss their fears and be open with themselves and others. But what does "out enough" mean? Is everyone who is not straight supposed to run around with rainbows and pink triangles pinned to themselves or wear a sign around their neck boldly proclaiming, "Hey, you! Don't forget I'm gay!" Is that out enough? It seems whenever the topic of sexuality arises, people divide themselves into rigid groups with little titles -- often translated into personality generalizations. The gay community needs to prioritize. If one feels the most important aspect of her personality is her sexuality, then sure, gay pride is in order. But many of us don't think that way. Most of us are multi-faceted people with a certain sexual preference. There's a difference between being in the closet and being the most out gay that ever was. There is a large gray area in the middle that needs to be explored. We can be open about our sexuality without proclaiming it to anyone who will look in our direction. More and more people are finding an acceptance within themselves for the sexual minority. This, I feel, is the goal of any gay, lesbian or bisexual. It's not a battle to be noticed, but a fight to be accepted. Visibility doesn't lead to acceptance, only to awareness. Acceptance arises through an understanding that these people whom you love and respect -- your professor, your brother, your friends, or your idol -- happen to be gay. Only when you realize that these are the same people you knew before and that you still love and respect them can they be accepted. A few weeks ago, a caller on my television show asked me if I'm straight. I answered honestly without hesitation that I am not -- I am bisexual. Big deal. The callers who followed had typical reactions; some harassed me, insulted me, degraded me and others supported me. All in all, I didn't really think much of it. I was surprised in the following weeks by the hurt reactions of my friends and acquaintances. People were insulted that I "kept this" from them, or that I "didn't trust" them enough to tell them. Excuse me? I wasn't keeping this top secret information from anyone. I wasn't hiding in a hole and covering my tracks. Those who are close enough to me to know who I'm dating all the time know I'm bi. Otherwise, it just doesn't come up. I'm Sarah, participator in many activities. I'm Sarah, the English major. I'm Sarah, the sister, the daughter, the friend. I am not simply Sarah, the bisexual. But it just so happens I swing both ways. I don't think this is privileged information, and this column is not me "coming out of the closet." But gay pride and visibility has led everyone to believe if they don't know your sexuality, you're either hetero or hiding. We must stop thinking of gays as people entirely different from ourselves. What difference does it make what your sexual preference is? It's not even completely clear to ourselves what we are, so why must we put ourselves in one of the three sexuality categories? We don't demand that people assert, "I'm blonde, not dirty blonde" or, "I like apples but not oranges." Preferences are constantly changing. You see a person, male or female, and you're attracted to them. The end. I find a gay person who brings up their sexuality at every chance they get to be flat and boring. I'm wondering if there's anything else to them. I find a gay couple making out in front of me to be as annoying as a hetero couple getting it on two feet from me. There's no reason to be so out that it's all people know about you. This only breeds generalizations and intolerance. My sexual preference should be of no more importance to you than the fact that I'm left-handed. You didn't know that I'm left-handed? Maybe I was hiding it from you.