COLUMN: Letterman cursed the Quakers

From Michael Hasday's "Curve Ball," Fall '95 After THE CURSE, Football had its streak snapped by the lowly Columbia Lions, Men's Soccer lost eight of its last 10 matches, Men's Basketball opened its season with two straight losses, and not one Quakers team captured an Ivy title this semester. So in order to rid our beloved Quakers of Letterman's wicked spell, I offer the following Top 10 list -- of monumental happenings in Penn athletics this semester-- as a sacrifice to the deity, David Letterman. 10. Udi and the BlowKish: Behind freshman standout and Israeli native Udi Kish, the men's tennis team has revitalized itself so much that Miller's boys are thinking of the Ivy championship come spring. "Let The Ivy League Cry". 9. Marrow Transplant: Sophomore defensive standout Mitch Marrow emerged in a big way this year for the football team -- especially in the season opener against Dartmouth. Teams figured out pretty quick to put more than one guy on him. 8. The Fabulous Baker Girls: Under the guidance of up-and-coming coach Patrick Baker, the women's soccer team turned in the first winning season in its history. A major accomplishment for a program that lost its first 20 Ivy League games. 7. Frankie Brown, 90210: The most promising rookie on the men's basketball team, the Beverly Hill, Calif., native seems to have all the the moves and poise to make a big impact this year -- and become a campus cult hero. But the big question: Does he know Brenda? 6. Weightmangate: The administration -- not wanting to put up the dough to have two courts at the Palestra -- decided to hold the Ivy League volleyball tournament, in part, at the decrepit Weightman Hall gym. Whether that contributed to Penn's third-place finish is a matter of ongoing speculation. 5. A Joint Decision: Football coach Al Bagnoli said it was a "joint decision" between him and the administration that led to the decision not to announce updates of the Princeton-Dartmouth score during the Quakers' season finale against Cornell. Here is how that deliberative discussion might have happened. Bagnoli: Don't announce the score. Administration bureaucrat: No problem, coach -- but getting back to our prior discussion: How high do you want me to jump again? 4. Cloud Eight: Rookie field hockey head coach/veteran assistant coach Val Cloud had the burden of filling in the big shoes left for her by the legendary Anne Sage. And like Cinderella, her feet were a perfect fit. The team almost won the Ivy title in a rebuilding year, and hopes run high next season to make the final step. 3. The Curse of David Letterman: Junior nose guard Chris Osentowski, according to an anonymous teammate, told Bagnoli he had to miss practice to attend a study session. Apparently, that "study session" was located in the Ed Sullivan Theater and took place during a taping of the David Letterman show. Amazingly, when the camera panned to Osentowski, his books did not come into focus (must have been a bad camera angle). Anyway, Bagnoli suspended his starting nose guard for the Columbia game -- without due process -- and Penn's 24-game winning streak was snapped by the lowly Lions. Coincidence? Well, maybe. 2. Miles Macik -- Magically Marvelous: Miles "Miracle Man" Macik made many magnificent moves, man. Moreover, might Mr. Macik make mucho money making magic? Maybe. 1. Rob "I am a tale told by an idiot?signifying nothing" Hodgson: A tragic tale with no heroes to speak of. The characters: a terminally indecisive man-child; a coach in need of a shooter; a student body in search of a hero. The ingredients made a dangerous cocktail fraught with danger for those who dared to sip it. At the end, Hodgson was forced to slip out in the middle of the night to a safe haven called Rutgers -- a distant cry from his former life as a legend of Long Island suburbia. May the curse be expunged.