DP Swamis: Maureen Says: Penn State 40-Princeton 10

In honor of yet another anticipated Homecoming Weekend, we Swamis decided to bestow upon one lucky alum the honor of Swami-for-a-Day (and isn't that really better than having some stupid Quad named after you.) As we wandered up and down the boardwalk, we were stopped dead in our tracks by the sight of a large neon sign flashing "Taj Mahal." We were home. And, as luck would have it, we were at the business place of Penn alum and Hairclub for Men customer Donald Trump. Our search for The Donald led us to the concierge's desk. Unfortunately, the concierge (that's French for bitch) turned us away. Apparently, turbans are not allowed in the casino. Then why do they call it the Taj Mahal?! Infuriated by the utter incompetence of the casino staff, we decided to pull a U-turn and head back to Philly -- City Hall, to be exact. We parked our carpets and headed into the Mayor's Office, in search of Mayor Ed Rendell, another successful Penn alum. Unfortunately, His Majesty was out on the campaign trail. Must have been in A.C. Oh-for-two, we were having less success than Keith Elias's barber. We decided to give it one more shot. So we refueled the carpets and headed to the one city more corrupt than Atlantic City -- Washington, D.C. No, no, Marion Barry did not go to Penn. (We think he went to Brown, but we digress.) But Senator and Presidential candidate Arlen Specter did go here. Apparently we caught the Senate out-of-session. (Oh, there's a surprise.) So we went to the next-best person -- actually the next-best next-best next-best person, for all those of you keeping count. We talked to Senate switchboard operator Maureen (her last name is being withheld by request of the Secret Service.) She told us that her husband would be honored to be our Guest Swami of the Week. But being the husband of the Senate switchboard operator just doesn't carry a whole heck of a lot of weight with us. "I really don't know who to pick," Maureen whined. "And I should, because all my nieces and nephews went to Penn State." With people like Maureen at the helm, is it any wonder our nation is running with at zillion dollar deficit?! "How about Penn State 40, Princeton 10?" Maureen proudly asked. How about not. At least in all her ignorance, Maureen managed to realize that -- above all else -- Princeton sucks!