COLUMN: A Day in the Life of the UA

From Mike Nadel's, "Give 'em Hell," Fall '95 From Mike Nadel's, "Give 'em Hell," Fall '95In this time of student government reform, undergraduates at the University are actually putting some thought into how they are represented. As an architect of one of the major proposals for reform, I have had the chance to discuss student government, and the Undergraduate Assembly in particular, with many students. We've all heard the official answer. The UA fights for student interests. It lobbies the administration. It budgets the money from the activities fee. But really, in terms we can all understand, what does a member of the UA actually do? I feel qualified to answer this question because this past year I have had the privilege of sharing a house with one of the more respected members of the UA, the Honorable Sundeep M. Goel of the Engineering School. The "M" stands for Mohan. To fully understand the great and purely noble work of UA members, I spent last Monday observing this remarkable man as he struggled to serve his constituents. Monday, like every day, began with a staff meeting. Goel's staff was bickering among themselves over who ought to be appointed to head up his re-election effort. Diversity was a chief concern. Goel's chief of staff David Hong explained to me, "Mr. Goel insists on a staff that looks like Penn. We already have a Korean, a Bulgarian-Italian, and a Jew. We need to decide what to add. A woman would be good. We need some women around here." Goel also told his bewildered staff about the UA's Project for Student Advocacy. Goel was not pleased with the development of the project, which calls for UA members to position themselves on Locust Walk each day to answer student concerns. "It's ridiculous!" he complained. "They're going to make me sit out there wearing a UA dunce-cap in case anyone wants to talk to me." Goel concluded the meeting by briefing his staff on the status of the UA's Project 2000 Report, an endeavor he considers "foolish." At the behest of UA Chairperson Dan Debicella, Goel wrote the portion of the report dealing with interschool minors. However, he admitted that his work, which was devoid of research, amounted to "a load of crap." He added, "I didn't want to do it in the first place. None of us did. Debicella made us. The whole time as I was writing it, I felt a gnawing anger towards Debicella burning inside of me." Although he had a morning class, Goel skipped it to hold a press conference. Of course no one showed up. That didn't stop Goel, though. As his staff looked on with their tongues hanging out of their mouths, Goel spouted his views on the previous night's UA meeting. "Last night's meeting was the most boring meeting I've ever been to in my life," he declared. "Absolutely nothing was accomplished." Next Goel headed to the UA office in Houston Hall to check for messages –– "cries for help," he calls them –– from his constituents. There were none. Nonetheless, Goel argued that it was important to check. He explained, "Constituent service is very important to my operation. It allows me to get personally involved with other students, hearing their problems and feeling their pain." Goel ate his lunch at My Favorite Muffin hoping to bump into University President Judith Rodin. For months the UA has been trying to set up a luncheon with Rodin, but she has not responded to the invitation. And while Goel has no reason to believe that the luncheon would occur at My Favorite Muffin, he maintains that he has to continue to hope that she will arrive. "What if she did come in here and there were no UA members to meet with her?" he demanded. "What would happen then? Huh?" Goel is certain that the meeting with Rodin will eventually occur, and he commented that he is looking forward to it. "I'm looking forward to it," he said. Strolling down Locust Walk after lunch, Goel was finally stopped and asked a question about student government. Perhaps coincidentally, he was asked what the UA actually does. He answered, "Two words: Verbal masturbation." He told me later, "That happens about twice a day. People stop me and ask what the UA does. I think they're making fun of me." Finally Goel found time to fit in some classes, and in one of them he heard some students talking about how the Revlon Center had been canned in favor of the Perelman Quadrangle plan. Goel realized he had no idea what either the Revlon Center or the Perelman Quad were, so he decided to take a few hours off to read the DP and hang out in the UA Office. Others apparently had the same idea, because the office was crowded. "These people always seem to be here," Goel observed. "I don't really know who they are." It took a little while for Goel to make sense of the Revlon-Perelman issue. However, after it was explained to him who the provost was, what a campus center is, and what performing arts groups do, he was able to arrive at a firm stance. Never self-conscientious, Goel took delight in setting his opinion to music at he walked home. "Fee, fie, foe, fum. Provost Chodorow sure is dumb," Goel sang. Goel later tempered his lyrics when he was told that the provost probably would not like them. For dinner, Goel's staff had arranged an outing to Boston Chicken. There he discussed economic philosophy with West Philadelphia residents. "UA members are always talking about reaching out to the community," he said, while chewing on mashed potatoes. "I'm just trying to put my stomach where my mouth is?or something like that." At last the long day was over. Sundeep Goel, stuffed and content, celebrated by taking his staff out to a popular campus tavern. Goel gurgled, "We work hard all day so at night we can get liquored." Afterwards I reflected on the day. Goel had indeed worked hard, but had anything really been accomplished? "That's not the point," Goel's press secretary "Rosie" Rosenzweig told me. "The UA has no power. Therefore it doesn't do anything. Therefore, no one else wants to run for it. Therefore, Mr. Goel might as well just have fun at the students' expense like a leech sucking on the public teet." Anyone for reform? Mike Nadel is a junior political science and communications major from Longmeadow, Mass. Give 'em Hell appears alternate Fridays.