DP SWAMIS: The 42-year tradition of pigskin prognostication. The quotes are real. So are the turbans.

Before we Swamis tell all about our adventures, we must first tell the masses about our latest Swami –ELance "Benedict" Allred. Although many of you have seen his artwork for years on the editorial pages in this very newspaper, you probably don't know his whole, true story. Benedict joined the leagues of Swamidom in an exchange of services. All he had to do was play for us Swamis in the ancient tradition, the Kamin Cup football game, that is. However, his services were truly lacking. Oh sure, Absolut reported that he "constructed all of the plays," but come on. We still lost 7-0 to the great unwashed masses of Weenies, so obviously those plays just were not good enough. And according to those who know him best, he just isn't that great off the field either. We Swamis spent a night discussing this subject with brother Benedict, who told us the real-life story of Benedict. "He's tried every pick-up line there is," brother Benedict said. "But they never work." But don't worry because brother Benedict knows what the problem is –EBenedict's wardrobe. "He has no fashion sense," brother Benedict explained. "He gets his clothes weekly at Walmart." Oh, better luck with your prognostications Benedict. Enough with that introduction of the latest Swami who has joined the clan. Now back to our adventures in the dog pound – literally. When we realized that our inevitable Ivy League Champion Quakers were playing the Bulldogs tomorrow (we Swamis are boycotting the name Elis), we thought who else would know more about dogs than a pound. So we made our first stop at the Pennsylvania Humane Society. Our pound hostess, Charlene Peters, told us the real deal with bulldogs. "No, they are absolutely not vicious or violent," Peters said. "They depend on how they're bred. Generally, they are excellent with children and family." Whoo, what a relief. Considering Yale's 3-8 record over the past two seasons in the Ivies, we know these are the type of bulldogs that have been bred to be with children and family –Enot playing with our own men of men and undefeated Quakers. We are not the only people with this knowledge, because Peters also predicted Penn to handily defeat the poodles. So don't worry Quaker faithful, because this week will be no contest. There will be no dog fight in the Yale Bowl. It will be a trouncing, pure and simple. Good night poodles – any Ivy League title hopes you may have had will fall tomorrow in front of your tremendous home-town crowd of 12 (even the players' parents rarely show up to see their children lose every week).