Attention ghouls, gals, and everyone in between (we're looking at you, pasty OCR participants). Halloween is here, which means a chance for you to earn campus-wide fame. In other words, UTB is recognizing the very best and the actual worst of your Halloween costumes.
We want to see all the black cats and Donald Trumps – and we wouldn't mind a Lionel Richie sighting, either – so send us snaps of yourself, your friends, or that rando from your freshmen hall. Nothing is off limits, even no costume at all. Email your pics to email@example.com by Sunday night at 11:59 p.m., and we'll let you know how they all rank. Spoooooky, right?
As you slug your way through the sleep-deprived depths of finals season, the last thing you want to do is commend your professors and TA’s for their “hard work” this semester. But we figured we should give our own awards, so here’s our comprehensive list of professor and TA awards for this semester.
- Least Animal-Friendly: What makes a teacher more relatable than a deep-seated hatred of small rodents? We’re impressed he was able to keep teaching class while perched on top of that chair.
- Most Passive Aggressive Emails: We’ve seen some passive aggressive emails in our day, but this professor takes the cake. He also came in a close second for “Most Likely to Make You Question Your Intelligence” but for very different reasons.
- Most Self-Aware TA: If it makes him feel any better, we don’t understand economics either.
- Most (Un)Welcoming: Gotta love a professor that warns you about the torture you'll face next semester! How pumped are you now?
- Most Musical: Whether it’s listening to it or playing it, these professors sure know how to get down to some classical tunes.
Freshman forward Juliana Provini was Penn's lone goal-scorer against Yale on Saturday. -
Harvard 2, Cornell 0
Harvard (7-3-2, 2-0-1 Ivy) put up a commanding 2-0 win over Cornell (6-5-0, 1-2). The match marked Harvard’s 11th consecutive unbeaten game in the Ivy League and its third straight conference game without conceding a goal. Cornell’s defense celebrated “neutralizing” the defending Ivy Offensive Player of the Year, Harvard sophomore Midge Purce, as she didn’t score. Yet Purce fired off more shots and shots on goal than the entire Cornell team — eight to Cornell’s five, and four to the Big Red’s two. At this point in the season, it’s not a question of who the team to beat is, but who can stop Harvard?
Princeton 5, Brown 0
If one team can steal the Ivy League title from Harvard, it’s looking like Princeton. The Tigers (4-4-4, 2-0-1) destroyed Brown (5-5-2, 0-1-2), led by the dynamic sophomore duo of midfielder Haley Chow and forward Tyler Lussi, who combined for five goals. Lussi’s hat trick marks the first of the conference this season. The Tigers gave coach Julie Shackford her 200th career win in dominant fashion.
Penn 1, Columbia 0
Penn earned its first conference win of the season by way of a beautiful goal from Co-Ivy League Rookie of the Week, freshman Juliana Provini. The win ends Penn’s slow start in conference play — the Red and Blue improve to 5-4-2, 1-2-0. More importantly, Columbia (5-2-5, 1-1-1) was knocked off the top of Ivy League standings, which Princeton and Harvard now share.
Dartmouth 0, Yale 0
In a matchup between the league’s notorious draw-ers —Dartmouth (3-3-4, 0-0-3) and Yale (5-3-2, 0-1-2) — no one was surprised by the outcome: 0-0. Though both teams had their chances, Yale’s solid defense matched Dartmouth’s more active offense. After a double overtime, the match ended exactly as it began: 0-0.
Harvard 1, Cornell 0
At home, the Crimson can’t lose. They’ve won nine of their last 10 contests at home, including all six home games this season. Harvard (7-3, 2-0) is now tied for the second-longest active winning streak in the nation at seven wins. Senior Hiroki Kobayashi’s shot found the back of the Cornell net in the 48th minute, marking the lone goal. The Crimson have won their past four games by a single goal.
Dartmouth 4, Yale 1
If the Elis were hoping to break their four-game losing streak, they sure weren’t hoping to face championship contender Dartmouth, a team unbeaten in eight consecutive matches. The Bulldogs (0-8-2, 0-2-0) showed promise early on. Yale neutralized the Dartmouth lead in the 11th minute. However, Ivy League Rookie of the Week midfielder Jonathan Nierenberg scored twice in four minutes to give control back to the machine that has been the Big Green (7-2-1, 2-0). Dartmouth now sits atop conference rankings with Harvard.
Princeton 2, Brown 1
The Princeton offense is not only revered in basketball, but also in soccer . The Tigers (5-3-2, 1-1) were the first team to score on Brown’s airtight defense in over 500 minutes of play. Brown (3-4-3, 1-1) led Princeton for most of the match, until a Princeton penalty kick in the 68th minute evened the score. From there, the Tigers controlled possession and eventually scored the go-ahead goal.
Columbia 2, Penn 1
Columbia’s late game comeback edged out a Quakers squad poised to defend their Ivy League title. Penn (5-5, 1-1) looked dominant early on. After a classic Duke Lacroix goal (20’), the Lions (4-5, 1-1) broke a 300-minute goal drought with a score in the 61st minute, followed by a game-winning goal just eight minutes later.
Another target is off the board for Penn basketball.
Adlai Stevenson high school (Ill.) senior Connor Cashaw committed to Rice on Tuesday evening. Cashaw had received interest from Ivy schools, including Penn and Harvard, and other mid-majors but ultimately chose Rice in an announcement at his high school.
Penn was not considered a finalist but Harvard was one of the schools very much in on his recruiting.
Scott Pera, an assistant coach for Penn basketball until this year, is now an assistant at Rice under head coach Mike Rhoades.
Cashaw is a 6-foot-4 shooting guard and will join the Owls next fall.
Penn basketball had been a finalist for Class of 2019 shooting guard Dalton Soffer, but Soffer has other plans.
Soffer, a California native and high school senior, has committed to Loyola (Md.), joining the Greyhounds next season.
Coach Jerome Allen already has three guards lined up for his next class— Jackson Donahue, Jake Silpe and Morris Esformes — so Soffer's decision isn't a huge blow. Former Penn target Levan Alston Jr. committed to Temple today as well.
Small forward Jule Brown and power forward Collin McManus round out Allen's upcoming class.
Penn basketball already has a solid recruiting class for the Class of 2019 but coach Jerome Allen is not done yet. Let's check in on the world of high school basketball recruiting to see what Penn is up to...
Weisner Perez commits to Harvard, Connor Cashaw soon to follow? - Last week, Perez, a small forward from Morton High School (Ill.), committed to Harvard basketball after being recruited by many Ivy League schools, including Penn. The 6-foot-6 high school senior had received interest from every Ancient Eight school outside of Columbia and also had offers from other mid-majors. Ultimately, the pitch from the defending Ivy champions put the Crimson ahead of the other Ivies.
After Perez's commitment, all eyes turn to Cashaw, who is from nearby Adlai Stevenson High School (Ill.). Many people believe that the two will commit as a pair and Cashaw has an offer in hand from the Crimson. Cashaw also has drawn interest from many Ivy schools, and reportedly has an offer from the Red and Blue.
Levan Alston Jr. trims list to three, eliminates Penn - Alston, a high school senior combo guard from Haverford School (Pa.), cut his list of potential schools from six to three, taking the Red and Blue out of consideration. The 6-foot-3 guard is a top-100 recruit on ESPN.com and has received interest from a lot of local schools, including Temple. Alston's godfather is none other than Allen, who already has multiple guards committed to Penn for next season.
Dalton Soffer picks up offers from Penn and Seton Hall - Class of 2019 shooting guard Dalton Soffer had previously cut his list to just four schools, with Boston University, Loyola (Md.), Seton Hall and Penn making the list. Soffer, who is from California, took a couple unofficial visits last week and receiving offers from the Pirates and Quakers during his visits. He is expected to decide on a school in the next month or so.
We asked, you answered. In addition to aggregating the costumes you sent to us, we also decided everything in our collective newsfeeds was fair game. Anticipating your comments, yes we did format this article with a potato. Enjoy!
Best Giantism: This Masshole and his "fake"
The best part about this is probably that Mr. Asaph lives on 69 Sexy Street, and apparently has a friend that works at Campus Copy. Ten bucks this got him into Smokes.
Best Pop Culture Reference From Almost 20 Years Ago: Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn
Shout out to that guy for striking the right nebbishy chords, and that girl for making a sign that she can find creative ways to reuse now that Halloween is over.
Best-executed Bro Movie: Anchorman
Ever since the movie came out, many American men have tried to be Ron Burgundy et al for Halloween. But the gentlemen of Sig Chi put in the effort and did it right.
Best Transformation: See that Kim Kardashian on the left, posing with Kanye and a Solo cup? Okay. Now, see that Tobias Funke to the right, blue-chested and Nevernude? THOSE ARE THE SAME GIRL. Props to Heidi Eggert. Not to overshadow everyone else in that house, who are pulling off a pretty impressive Arrested Development parody (that Lucille!)
Most Bone-Chilling: Common App
This costume is still giving us nightmares, and we're as SWUGgy as they come.
Best Food Network: Guy Fieri and Mario Battali
But we can't tell if Mario Battali is wearing orange crocs.
Best Pun: Booty Call
There is also potential here for a "butt dial" joke.
Most Addictive: Candy Crush Saga
No it's fine, we can stop posting costumes anytime we want. Really. We don't have a problem.
TONIGHT WE POST
Try to think back, before your headache and irritable stomach, before the substances and barbecue that made them thus, before you even donned your Fl1nG T4NK on Friday. On Thursday, UTB gave you some homework. Now we're collecting it.
1. Submit your Shoutouts (cause, like, they're DUE TOMORROW and you haven't yet) to the box over thurr --->
2. Send us your pics with Fling Stanley so that you can become Internet Famous.
3. Send us your texts from Fling, area code included.
Our email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Don't delay, because this counts for 30% of your semester grade and you KNOW you bombed the midterm.
You may not have realized it, but today marks the halfway point of summer 2011 (what, we know, that's crazy, etc). Assuming you're moving in at the start of NSO, August 31, there's only 53 days until move-in. And for the 2011 grads, it's been
awesome totally lame to still read UTB for 53 days. Whether you're starting summer II or just missed the memo that we've been updating all season, we've got the top ten stories for you to catch up on to be in the know.
10. Marathon Closed: The earth, she gave a massive rumble, and just like that a campus anchor was no more. Students and alums alike mourned the loss of a place we never went to all that much, anyway.
9. The Bachelorette Happened (And Continues To Happen): Penn Dental (potentially dropout) student Ashley Hebert, aka the Ashelorette, has won over the hearts and minds of America by dating a ton of men and bitching about some dude named Bentley on television. We've suffered through her show each and every week so you don't have to.
8. The Freshmen are coming!: We've been creeping on the little babies (that sounds so weird), including this superstar and whoever made this shirt.
7. Everyone Got Drafted: It's been a good summer for Penn Baseball: they sent 3 players to the big leagues. Paul Cusick became a Phillie while Vince Voiro joined the San Diego Padres.
6. New Restaurants Announced Themselves: Two of the best developments all summer: West Philly's getting a Sabrina's Cafe and Rittenhouse will recieve a Shake Shack.
5. People Loved Denzel Everywhere: People fawned over Penn's class of 2011 as the subject of Denzel Washington's commencement speech. So suck it, Dartmouth.
4. Engineers Made Headlines
From the GRASP lab to wireless charging, SEAS has been making seriously bold moves lately. The Daily Beast tried to tell us that doesn't matter, but we decided they're stupid. Our admiration for Penngineering has turned from crush to full-blown infatuation, and we're not sorry.
3. Alumni Did The Darndest Things: But we still love them
?! One named an Indian town after his company. One really ran for president, unlike another. Many were in the news, for better or for worse.
2. Coursekit Guys Dropped Out Of School: Have you heard about Coursekit? Yeah? Of course you have, it's blowing up everywhere. Three Penn students dropped out of Penn to pursue their dreams of being in great stories about college kids pursuing their dreams.
And the #1 story of the summer so far...
1. Hardlywork.in Seriously Blew Up: The whole point of this roundup post was really just to make sure you're aware of the smash hit of this summer: Yale undergrad Bay Gross' Hardlywork.In, the latest and greatest in on-the-job procrastination. The new site seamlessly converts your Facebook newsfeed into an Excel spreadsheet, helping you escape the ire of wandering supervisors. Thank us later.