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(02/24/18 8:57pm)
It’s times like these when we remember that there is still good in the world. Amidst all the war, destruction, and failed relationships, it’s hard to find a glimpse of hope to get you through the week - or the day even! But when a person shows such incredible perseverance as Grant Friedman (EW ‘20), it reminds us that anything can happen if you try, try, try again.
(02/14/18 2:42am)
We’ve all been there. You get turned down for a Valentine’s date, but the explanation is a little hard to decipher. Maybe Jessica really is allergic to nighttime, or maybe she just doesn’t see you as more than a friend. This quiz will help you figure out for sure if your crush really has a midterm at 8pm on Valentine’s Day, or if they’re just not into you.
(02/10/18 6:29pm)
In a stunning turn of events last week, the Penn Administration went against expert advice and released a confidential memo to the public. The contents of the memo included rare, never-before-seen information. Before the memo was released, no one outside of the Penn administration knew what it contained. Now, everyone is free to read the memo and all of the juicy details inside.
(02/18/18 1:14pm)
Oh, hi! Didn't see you there—oh, you’re Rachel’s RA? Cool, cool, cool...Yeah, man, I’m just decorating her room for Big/Little week.
(02/01/18 6:46pm)
Adding on to a deplorable line of powerful and wealthy men, Penn Board of Trustees member Stephen Wynn was accused of sexual misconduct by dozens of women last week. Though the sheer quantity of similar allegations has made each one less surprising for many Americans, some people with ties to the University of Pennsylvania found the Wynn allegations particularly reprehensible. In fact, earlier today, the Board announced that they would be revoking Wynn's honorary degree and renaming Wynn Commons.
(01/29/18 7:41am)
A recent study conducted at Cornell University found that students who are prohibited from using their laptops during recitation sessions are 75% more likely to zone out rather than surfing the web. In contrast to the previous assumption, banning laptops in recitations does not encourage students to pay more attention, but does encourage what researchers are formally calling “mind wandering.” We spoke with one of the research assistants on the project about this new term.
(01/26/18 4:31pm)
Professor Jacob Johnson made a bold claim to a group of colleagues this that his lectures have the highest attendance ever. Despite significant evidence to the contrary, the Professor seemed quite convinced upon speaking with us.
(01/22/18 12:38pm)
In a stunning declaration to all of his 17 twitter followers, Ethan Kroove (E ‘19) announced today that his peak efficiency is between like 1:30 AM and, like, 1:35 AM. This sliver of time finds Kroove fully focused and getting shit done like no other time of day. And while some of his professors have warned him not to wait until the night before to complete an assignment, Kroove just has to wait until 1:30 AM and everything suddenly makes sense. “It’s like, I don’t even need Adderall because I’m so in the zone,” he told us.
(12/12/17 7:52am)
December 3
(12/09/17 5:05pm)
For 5 years, I’ve spent countless days and nights with my trusty scissors cutting out box tops to make a difference in this sad, cold world. And there were good times and bad times. Times when I was discouraged that I could never make a difference, and times when I felt like I was on top of the world. Through the lows and the highs I kept going because I knew one day my hard work would be rewarded.
(12/08/17 5:35am)
When she got the notification that her roommate, Izzy*, had posted a photo in Official Unofficial Penn Squirrel Catching Club, Louisa Allen* was eager to see what kind of relatable content it would be. “Course registration reax only,” the caption read, followed by a picture of an empty schedule. By the time Louisa clicked on the post, it had already garnered almost 30 likes, and multiple people had tagged friends in the comments.
(11/29/17 4:02pm)
It had been a long month. Evan Kaufmann was never one to give up on a good cause, but Mo’ Shave November was the hardest challenge he’d ever taken on. Both physically and emotionally, the past four weeks had taken a toll. Keeping with his commitment to shave more this November to raise awareness for men’s health, Evan was now completely hairless. Much like a naked mole rat, he spent the month unprotected from winter’s cold, and vulnerable to the concerned stares of other students as he brought out the shaving cream and razor in nearly every class.
(11/28/17 9:03am)
I don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say this is the worst goddamn thing that has ever happened to me. I bought a delicious looking cookie from a bake sale run by some blasted club at this godforsaken school, because my roommate begged me and said it would only cost me $1 on Venmo, and I looked forward to eating it the whole damn day. I finally got home after my last class of the day and aggressively ripped open my backpack to reveal the cookie, ready to be eaten at last. As I finally brought the pastry up to my mouth, I prepared myself for chocolatey goodness.
(11/21/17 6:15am)
Ah, American traditions. From Groundhog Day to President’s Day, it can be hard to keep track of the annual whims of the American people. Today, in preparation for Thanksgiving, one of the weirdest American traditions will occur - the turkey pardon.
(11/16/17 7:49pm)
Hey science-nerds, I bet you’ve been dreading hearing from me ever since it got cold out. Because now that the frigid weather is here, your little “theories” and “calculations” are being blown away by the cold wind. You people were so caught up in your ideas that the world is getting hotter, and now you walk outside and it’s cold out! You must feel so stupid! I’ll bet you gave away all your winter coats because you never thought you’d be needing those again, but turn on the weather channel, dorks. Pull up your weather app or maybe even step outside for a *hot* sec, four-eyes. It’s freaking cold out.
(11/14/17 5:23am)
A recent report from the Penn Administration notified students of a revision to the University’s Code of Academic Integrity following an incident that occurred during a GEOL100 midterm. An unnamed student pulled out a walkie talkie during the exam to ask his friend questions from the test. His friend, who took GEOL100 last semester because he actually "likes rocks", was reportedly sitting in their shared apartment flipping through his own notes.
(11/09/17 4:25am)
Ever since Amazon announced that it was looking for a city to host their second headquarters, people have been going crazy trying to get their city selected. Philadelphia is no exception — Amy Gutmann has been working with city officials and various groups on campus to woo the company and convince Amazon to settle down in the city of brotherly love.
(11/07/17 2:17pm)
Profanity
(11/02/17 4:09am)
It’s club/organization election time again, and the competition is fierce. As all Penn students have come to know, getting into college is just the beginning of the cutthroat application process. Students may get disheartened by the scarcity of opportunity for so many qualified applicants.
(10/31/17 7:02am)
It was quite a weekend. After several nights out with the whole squad and Samantha’s boyfriend, Wharton freshman Hannah Scofield was hungover, exhausted, and thoroughly Hallow-ed out. So upon waking up this morning to several posts on Facebook about Halloween, she was pretty annoyed. It has been two days since Halloweekend, she figured people should stop posting about it.
