Three days ago, Philadelphia courts were overflowing with an influx of women aged 18-24 interested not in appealing their speeding tickets or renewing their passports, but in simultaneously changing their names to “Katie.”
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Earlier this week, Penn researchers announced the conclusion of a seminal, twenty-year, longitudinal study about the outcomes of Penn graduates.
Marie Lu (C ‘20) isn’t your typical pre-med student. While most of her fellows would be content to give themselves a break after thirteen consecutive weeks of brutally focused studying, Lu isn’t one for complacency.
1. He’ll revive Club Penguin for Penn students. Ever since Obama killed Club Penguin last year, people everywhere have been mourning the death of the iconic web game. Penn students especially were hit hard by the loss of Club Penguin. However, we have full confidence that Walmart yodeling boy will bring it back, just for our community.
We at Under the Button recently decided to investigate Penn's campus tours: what are tour guides blatantly not telling prospective students? In order to discover the truth, we went undercover as high schoolers on a campus tour. And we found out that the information missing was, to be frank, astonishing. Here’s some things that our tour guide *conveniently* forgot to mention:
Aries: The straightforwardness and enthusiasm of an Aries is best characterized by the “Pret’s Ham and Cheese” baguette. A land animal sign, Aries is associated with sandwiches that are meat-forward and cautionless, feeling no need to cloak their true selves with a spread. Weekly Horoscope: Steer clear of Whole Foods. A listeria recall may be affecting your cheese.
The 2018 Fling lineup has already become infamous for not at all reflecting student preferences, but is it as unpopular as everyone thinks? UTB went deep to investigate, administering a campus-wide survey to assess the feelings of the student body regarding the booking of The All-American Rejects. The results were unequivocal: over twenty students, all of whom wish to remain anonymous, are excited to see The All-American Rejects. So why are people making it seem that no one is excited for the show?
When it comes to pushing the boundaries of what’s acceptable to talk about in public, College sophomore and Simply Chaos comedian Jonathan Andrews has never been one to shy away.
Uh oh! This guy thought a Jewish fraternity was a hip-hop dance troupe just because the members were wearing matching, tailored sweatpants!
Fling is just around the corner, and it's safe to say there have been many different reactions to the performers who will be coming to Penn park this Saturday. While most students are confused as to why the All American Rejects have risen from the grave for this event, there was a greater upset when CupcaKke’s appearance was announced.
Penn may have moved fling out of the quad, but College freshman David Koenig is moving fling right back in. Riepe residents woke up Friday morning to find their hall plastered with fliers inviting them to the biggest on-campus event of the weekend: drinking Banker’s in Koenig’s double and listening to Fall Out Boy.
The first year of college can be challenging. You have no idea what to expect and you end up learning important lessons the hard way. And the learning doesn’t stop there. If there’s one thing that’s harder than struggling after your first year, it’s struggling many more times your second, third, fourth, and if you failed CIS160, your fifth years at Penn.
Kathleen Grover (C ’21) and her friends were so excited when the IDGod order shipped. They couldn’t wait to hit up every happy hour at Copa and Distrito. Unfortunately, the deciding factor of whether they would have a night full of flavored margaritas or a night sitting on Kathleen’s couch in Harrison after a frat crawl was one foreboding scanner.
Finally, a sport we might be national champions in. Penn has made it to the in the Elite 8— of a nationwide, collegiate Tinder "swipe-off." Now, we're only two rounds away from finding out if 200 students get a free Cardi B concert on the last day of classes.
Penn researchers have announced the discovery of a definite, clear, 100% correlation between the students who visit SHS and the chance that they will be told they have mono by the highly adept SHS staff.
Feeling a little off these days? Third chakra out of alignment? Not allergic to anything but maybe feel a little weird sometimes after consuming your body weight in dairy products? Just want to be a part of something?
Malcolm Jacobs (C ‘21) had a rough night. After taking one too many shots of Burnett’s, Jacobs woke up with a bucket of vomit by his bed and a load of regrets in his head. There was no way he was going to be able to attend his 9 a.m. Physics lecture.
A common trend across all of Penn's undergraduate schools is that students tend to change their mind about what they want to study. Some start off in Engineering and switch into the College, while others come in as English majors and end up doing chemistry. This Wharton student has a similar story.
Washing your hands before an interview may seem like common sense. But new research shows that hand sanitation can actually hurt interview performance.
In an unusual success for the itinerant fundamentalist, the street preacher stationed at College Hall has converted two entire Penn tour groups to Pentecostalism.