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5 Reasons Why the Walmart Yodeling Kid Should be the Next Penn President

(04/12/18 10:03am)

1. He’ll revive Club Penguin for Penn students. Ever since Obama killed Club Penguin last year, people everywhere have been mourning the death of the iconic web game. Penn students especially were hit hard by the loss of Club Penguin. However, we have full confidence that Walmart yodeling boy will bring it back, just for our community.

Unpacking Penn: What Your Tour Guides REALLY Don’t Tell You When You Visit Campus

(04/12/18 10:23am)

We at Under the Button recently decided to investigate Penn's campus tours: what are tour guides blatantly not telling prospective students? In order to discover the truth, we went undercover as high schoolers on a campus tour. And we found out that the information missing was, to be frank, astonishing. Here’s some things that our tour guide *conveniently* forgot to mention:

Weekly Horoscope: Which Pret Sandwich is Your Sign?

(04/17/18 2:11pm)

Aries: The straightforwardness and enthusiasm of an Aries is best characterized by the “Pret’s Ham and Cheese” baguette. A land animal sign, Aries is associated with sandwiches that are meat-forward and cautionless, feeling no need to cloak their true selves with a spread. Weekly Horoscope: Steer clear of Whole Foods. A listeria recall may be affecting your cheese.

Meet the Tens of Students Who Are Secretly Excited for The All-American Rejects

(04/13/18 12:29pm)

The 2018 Fling lineup has already become infamous for not at all reflecting student preferences, but is it as unpopular as everyone thinks? UTB went deep to investigate, administering a campus-wide survey to assess the feelings of the student body regarding the booking of The All-American Rejects. The results were unequivocal: over twenty students, all of whom wish to remain anonymous, are excited to see The All-American Rejects. So why are people making it seem that no one is excited for the show?

Penn Dining Protests CupcaKke: 'Why Aren't Students This Excited About Our Food?'

(04/12/18 10:11am)

Fling is just around the corner, and it's safe to say there have been many different reactions to the performers who will be coming to Penn park this Saturday. While most students are confused as to why the All American Rejects have risen from the grave for this event, there was a greater upset when CupcaKke’s appearance was announced.

Fling Alternatives: Come Listen to Fall Out Boy in Warwick 107 Tonight at 8

(04/14/18 2:43pm)

Penn may have moved fling out of the quad, but College freshman David Koenig is moving fling right back in. Riepe residents woke up Friday morning to find their hall plastered with fliers inviting them to the biggest on-campus event of the weekend: drinking Banker’s in Koenig’s double and listening to Fall Out Boy.

What I Learned From Struggling My First Year at Penn and Literally Every Year After That

(04/15/18 2:55pm)

The first year of college can be challenging. You have no idea what to expect and you end up learning important lessons the hard way. And the learning doesn’t stop there. If there’s one thing that’s harder than struggling after your first year, it’s struggling many more times your second, third, fourth, and if you failed CIS160, your fifth years at Penn.

​Fate of Entire Evening Left Up to Copa ID Scanner

(04/19/18 9:12am)

Kathleen Grover (C ’21) and her friends were so excited when the IDGod order shipped. They couldn’t wait to hit up every happy hour at Copa and Distrito. Unfortunately, the deciding factor of whether they would have a night full of flavored margaritas or a night sitting on Kathleen’s couch in Harrison after a frat crawl was one foreboding scanner.

SPEC Hopelessly Confused as to Why Penn Still in Competition, as 'Cardi B Isn't a Throwback?'

(04/10/18 9:47pm)

Finally, a sport we might be national champions in. Penn has made it to the in the Elite 8— of a nationwide, collegiate Tinder "swipe-off." Now, we're only two rounds away from finding out if 200 students get a free Cardi B concert on the last day of classes.

​Passive Roommate Declares Individualized Major in Chef and Maid

(04/21/18 2:11pm)

A common trend across all of Penn's undergraduate schools is that students tend to change their mind about what they want to study. Some start off in Engineering and switch into the College, while others come in as English majors and end up doing chemistry. This Wharton student has a similar story.