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Midterm season is upon us! Many schedules (and self-esteems built up by excelling during high school with little effort) won't survive it. Perhaps no class will see a larger net change, however, than CIS 160. Penn has graciously made the class a requirement for CIS majors and minors, so students have the opportunity to take it until they pass.
With OCR ongoing and many working to secure their internships for the Summer of 2018 2019 2020, some finance students are buckling under the overwhelming pressure to be better than all of their peers. While many destress by trading penny stocks or monitoring their families’ offshore accounts, some have turned to a new, alternative technology for decompression: a state-of-the-art internship virtual-reality simulation.
For every Penn student aiming to change the world, there are another hundred who feel no desire to break from tradition. Ben Putnam (W'19) is one of those students. Putnam, the chair of the Penn Undergraduate Transportation Society, marked the end of club application season - and thus, the end of his responsibilities - by sending out the expected semesterly When2meet.
Oh hey, I see I arrived a little early to this GSR and you’re not quite wrapped up yet. That’s totally cool. I’m just going to glare at you through the wall until 5:00pm exactly, if that’s okay with you.
Recently I have come to the realization that good things in life need to be celebrated, so here are just some things I love about an awesome school I actually dont go to.
Amy Gutmann’s got a lot of explaining to do. Penn just discovered that the man they thought was former Vice President Joe Biden is a Joe Biden impersonator!
Robbery
It’s rare in this day and age to see an act of kindness as selfless as the one that took place this past Saturday. Perhaps out of regret for their actions last year, Penn’s Sprint Football team deliberately took a loss to the Army at home in what appeared to be a close game. The team certainly did sell their performance, coming back from a 17 point deficit to turn the match into a two score game at 24-14. At that point, the team “accidentally” missed several key plays to secure the win for Army. Talk about integrity!
Hey pal. I know you’re trying to get into this party, scooter. Listen, we can’t really have a line outside the house, buddy. Cops are right over there and for this reason, among others, I’m going to have to hold off on my final decision to let you into this party. Go take a lap, champ.
Lounging on his unkempt twin XL bed in Riepe College House, Bryan Mehrmann (E '21) paused for a moment when asked what kind of music he listens to. A casual observer might guess, based on the posters hung above his bed and desk, that Mehrmann is a fan of Pink Floyd, Chance the Rapper, and the Beatles. But according to the freshman himself, his taste encompasses much more than any straight answer can convey.
Professor Barge has been teaching philosophy for 32 years, but feels as if his style is still as young as it was during the Cold War. However, his students do not agree. Twenty-five minutes into his fifty-minute lecture, the tenured professor, Dr. Barge, realized his students’ attention was waning. At first, he tried new PowerPoint transition effects, testing each one out and nervously looking to see his students’ reactions. No one looked up from their laptop, assumedly too enthralled by their Facebook pages. In a last-ditch effort to persuade the 8 remaining students in the class that Philosophy of Hamlet was truly cool, he looked students right in the eyes, called Laertes an “ass," and threw finger guns.
Bernard Watkins was in for quite a surprise when he opened the front door last Saturday. The longtime Philadelphia resident has been yearning for a woman's gentle touch since 1983, when Sharon walked out the door for the last time. Hoping to find some companionship during yet another lonesome night, he dialed "215-898-WALK (9255)," the number listed on a poster on Locust Walk reading "FREE 24/7 PENN WALKING ESCORTS."
All newly elected Class Board Engineering Chair Peter Wilson (E’ 20) wanted was to serve his engineering class. He campaigned hard with concrete, positive goals, and was lauded by his classmates as a candidate with a strong vision and detailed steps to get him there. Naturally, he was voted into office and began his Engineering leadership immediately.
You may have heard that once again, Rodin had a fire alarm go off in the middle of the night. For Rodin residents, this certainly was an annoying an unfortunate event. But the story the mainstream media hasn’t told you? The fire alarms themselves — they’re overworked, underpaid and in need of a higher quality of life.
Recently, The Daily Pennsylvanian published an article that detailed an Undergraduate Assembly proposal to count CIS courses toward the College Language requirement. As much as we love any idea that makes it seem like CIS students at Penn have the capacity to communicate with others, we would argue that the University is not doing enough (unlike the administration’s normal response to problems, which is consistently thorough and effective). Here are 9 things we believe should count for the College Language Requirement:
Wharton freshman Greg Andrews entered his Wharton 101 class with fire in his eyes and hunger in his heart, but left with tears welling up in one and deep regret in the other.
After the ouster of controversial Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price, the Trump administration has announced his replacement: the homophobic man who vulgarly protests on College Green.
Campus awoke to quite a surprise this morning: Rodin is missing!
As many on campus complain about event observers ruining the university experience, the situation has deteriorated. Now, a federal task force has dropped a heavy hammer on the Penn community.
Negotiating is an art form: you offer one thing, they offer another, you compromise, nobody’s happy. But Wharton Junior Michael Bell obviously missed some lectures of his Negotiations class, because he ended up with the worst room in his seven-person house.