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Freshman Weirds Out Club Members with Honest When2meet Responses

(10/04/17 12:20pm)

For every Penn student aiming to change the world, there are another hundred who feel no desire to break from tradition. Ben Putnam (W'19) is one of those students. Putnam, the chair of the Penn Undergraduate Transportation Society, marked the end of club application season - and thus, the end of his responsibilities - by sending out the expected semesterly When2meet.

Admirable: Penn Sprint Football Deliberately Loses to Army Out of Respect

(10/03/17 4:59am)

It’s rare in this day and age to see an act of kindness as selfless as the one that took place this past Saturday. Perhaps out of regret for their actions last year, Penn’s Sprint Football team deliberately took a loss to the Army at home in what appeared to be a close game. The team certainly did sell their performance, coming back from a 17 point deficit to turn the match into a two score game at 24-14. At that point, the team “accidentally” missed several key plays to secure the win for Army. Talk about integrity!

Babe Alert! This Freshman Likes Any Kind of Music Except Country

(10/03/17 4:52am)

Lounging on his unkempt twin XL bed in Riepe College House, Bryan Mehrmann (E '21) paused for a moment when asked what kind of music he listens to. A casual observer might guess, based on the posters hung above his bed and desk, that Mehrmann is a fan of Pink Floyd, Chance the Rapper, and the Beatles. But according to the freshman himself, his taste encompasses much more than any straight answer can convey. 

Professor Throws Curse Words into Lecture to Keep Students' Attention

(10/03/17 5:04am)

Professor Barge has been teaching philosophy for 32 years, but feels as if his style is still as young as it was during the Cold War. However, his students do not agree. Twenty-five minutes into his fifty-minute lecture, the tenured professor, Dr. Barge, realized his students’ attention was waning. At first, he tried new PowerPoint transition effects, testing each one out and nervously looking to see his students’ reactions. No one looked up from their laptop, assumedly too enthralled by their Facebook pages. In a last-ditch effort to persuade the 8 remaining students in the class that Philosophy of Hamlet was truly cool, he looked students right in the eyes, called Laertes an “ass," and threw finger guns.  

Yikes! Lonely Philadelphia Man Misunderstands "Penn Escort" Service

(10/04/17 12:22pm)

Bernard Watkins was in for quite a surprise when he opened the front door last Saturday. The longtime Philadelphia resident has been yearning for a woman's gentle touch since 1983, when Sharon walked out the door for the last time. Hoping to find some companionship during yet another lonesome night, he dialed "215-898-WALK (9255)," the number listed on a poster on Locust Walk reading "FREE 24/7 PENN WALKING ESCORTS."

This Student Was Elected to Represent the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. Then He Transferred to MIT.

(10/02/17 5:35pm)

All newly elected Class Board Engineering Chair Peter Wilson (E’ 20) wanted was to serve his engineering class. He campaigned hard with concrete, positive goals, and was lauded by his classmates as a candidate with a strong vision and detailed steps to get him there. Naturally, he was voted into office and began his Engineering leadership immediately.

​Overworked Rodin Fire Alarm in Desperate Need of a Raise

(10/02/17 7:19pm)

You may have heard that once again, Rodin had a fire alarm go off in the middle of the night. For Rodin residents, this certainly was an annoying an unfortunate event. But the story the mainstream media hasn’t told you? The fire alarms themselves — they’re overworked, underpaid and in need of a higher quality of life.

9 Things That Should Count for the College Language Requirement

(10/02/17 9:37pm)

Recently, The Daily Pennsylvanian published an article that detailed an Undergraduate Assembly proposal to count CIS courses toward the College Language requirement. As much as we love any idea that makes it seem like CIS students at Penn have the capacity to communicate with others, we would argue that the University is not doing enough (unlike the administration’s normal response to problems, which is consistently thorough and effective). Here are 9 things we believe should count for the College Language Requirement:

​Professor With Tenure Still Doesn’t Know to Let Students Leave Ten Minutes Early

(09/30/17 8:59pm)

Students in Professor Timothy Romanov’s “Philosophy of Why You Text ‘lol’ When You Aren’t Actually Laughing out Loud” agree that the class is “mostly, pretty ok.” On PennCourseReview, the Course and Professor Received fairly solid (but not amazing) 2.98’s, while the class was rated only a 2.12 for difficulty.