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Crime Log: September 27 - October 3

v10

Artwork by MJ Kang

Robbery

Sep 27: The CVS on 40th was robbed by an unarmed man who also happened to have no arms. “I thought he was just hiding his arms,” said the CVS cashier who handed him (no pun intended) $3.27 in cash. “I didn’t know they were actually gone or I would’ve told him to leave.” Police are currently on the lookout for a man with no arms.


Impersonation

Sep 29: A woman was arrested for impersonating Amy Gutmann. However, she was released when it was revealed Gutmann had been a hologram all along.


Battery

Sep 30: Lithium-Ion.


Murder

October 2: Freshman was heard saying “That math midterm killed me.” After further investigation, Penn Police arrested math midterm, who was responsible for a series of similar murders in the past week.

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