Joke Issue: Shocking data gleaned from DP student government poll

The public is far less educated about student government than one may think.

Although last week’s poll revealed that undergraduate students have a wealth of intelligence about Penn’s student government, there were a number of surprising answers in the results as well.

While hundreds of respondents correctly and easily identified a Undergraduate Assembly representative, many also could not. The wrong names included people like Marcus Aurelius, Henry Cabot Lodge and Fred Astaire.

Notably, no one incorrectly gave a woman’s name, pointing to the high levels of gender inequality in the UA.

Professor of Classical Studies T. Ablet Reeder commented, “It’s simply baffling that any student could think Marcus Aurelius was a member of a democratically elected assembly. He was an emperor, not a congressman!”

“Moreover, Marcus Aurelius lived in Europe. There’s no way he could run for office in West Philadelphia,” Reeder added as an afterthought.

Other aberrations in the data included answers to a question asking which issues student government should address. Closer examination of the data reveals that more than a few freshman respondents wrote in “make my roommate leave the room when I have people over!!!”

Leo Parmigianino, College, Wharton and Nursing freshman and survey respondent, offered his ideas on the statements. “Well, I mean it’s obvious. If you’re bringing a person home, your roommate should get out,” he said, just before crushing a can of soda onto his forehead.

Additionally, in a question that asked which groups were branches of Penn’s student government, some respondents contributed equally illogical write-in answers. Some of the groups identified were the men’s heavyweight rowing team, the Wharton Asia Exchange and Quakernotes.

One College freshman, Jimmy D’Aloisio, said, “The Quakernotes aren’t in student government? They’re way more harmonious than the UA!”

College sophomore Huizhong Wu and Engineering freshman Ryan Anderson were the creators of the poll. Wu, who is the campus news editor for The Daily Pennsylvanian, and Anderson, who is a staff writer, regretted their choice of a write-in box on most questions.

“We really should’ve seen this coming,” Wu said. Anderson sat beside her, shaking his head in disapproval.

“We’ll just have to learn from our mistakes and pick it up next year,” Anderson added.

This article appeared in the Daily Pennsylvanian’s Joke Issue 2013. For more information, click here.

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.