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Thank you, loyal readers. You’ve made the decision to continue reading this column after that headline and byline. After all, today is a big day on campus. It’s the official start of the 38th annual Spring Fling!

It’s the two-day festival that brings our friends from other schools to campus in droves. For at least one weekend, non-Penn students are truly jealous of how much fun we’re having here at Penn.

Online magazine Her Campus recently named Fling as one of the eight most infamous college traditions. “Students from all across the East Coast flock to Philly at the end of the spring semester to take part in a festival that has been putting even state schools to shame since 1973,” the site said.

So, since you picked up the paper and are clearly reading it anyway, I will use this space to tell you to get out there and start flinging as soon as you can.

If you need some ideas for what to do with this paper, I have a few suggestions in a Top 10 List a la David Letterman:

10. Lay it out as a makeshift picnic blanket to protect your light-colored clothing from grass stains. Whether you’re lounging on College Green, between the high rises or in the Baby Quad, there’s nothing quite like sitting out on the grass with your friends during Fling.

9. Fold it into a hat to protect yourself from the sun (Friday) or rain (Saturday). This weather looks to be fickle, but you’ll be covered either way. This could also prove to be a potential new way to smuggle your beverage of choice into the Quad.

8. Use it to soak up the grease of the fried Oreos, fried chicken or whatever other delicious fried Fling foods are being sold to us this weekend. Skip the usual healthy fare and indulge in the decadent offerings that come with this once yearly event.

7. Make a flag to signal to your friends in a different concert section. It’s clear that there’s going to be a lot of movement at the show. Think how much easier it will be to spot your friend from EF if they’re waving a paper flag in EH.

6. Use it to make clothing. A newspaper can be fashioned into a festive makeshift pinny. Didn’t have time to collaborate with your friends on a T-shirt design? You’ll all be looking the same if you’re wearing shirts made of Friday’s newspaper.

5. Bring it to the Zetes petting zoo to help out with waste management. Pretty self-explanatory.

4. Paper mache something. Maybe your T-shirt. Maybe your desk. Maybe your roommate. This is a fun activity even after Fling is over.

3. Use it to wipe up the drink that will likely be spilled on you or on your floor at some point during the weekend. You should try to get to it before it dries and gets sticky. Why waste paper towels?

2. Use it as kindling at your barbecue. Don’t forget to buy charcoal! If you’re not having your own, stop by at Burger Fling, the class board-sponsored, pre-concert barbecue.

1. Paper airplane. Why? Why not?

If you’re still reading, it looks like you went against my original advice. Luckily, you still have the rest of today and tomorrow to get out there and fling yourself silly.

In all seriousness, this is an amazing weekend to be a Penn student. Go check out your friends performing on the Fling stages. See if you can scalp a ticket to the sold-out concert. Jump on the moon bounce at the carnival. Get free food. Be outside.

You only get four chances to enjoy this fantastic weekend — well, maybe five if you came during Penn Previews — but you might as well make the most of it. I know I will. After all, this is my last call.

Viva La Fliñg.

Sabrina Benun is a College senior from Santa Monica, Calif. Her email address is Last Call appears every Friday.

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