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*This story appeared in the 2010 Joke Issue. King of the batcave

To the Editor:

I thought when I made a return to the Ed Page after a stint on the biz board, the page would get good again. But it turns out that I am its only saving grace.

What the DP needs is more controversy. Why else do you think I write borderline-racist columns? I don’t just personally get a kick out of generating letters to the editor by 10,000 minority groups at a time. It’s also good for our return rates.

Screw my successor’s ideas about the Ed Page as a place for “engagement.” If you continue this bullshit philosophy, I will start coming back into the office at midnight to proof the page more than once a week.

Ashwin Shandilya

This letter is a joke, but it is based in reality. Gah gah, ooh la la

To the Readers:

Usually, this spot in the joke issue is filled with a real lettter to the Editor that some nutjob happened to send the DP.

Unfortunately, no crazy person this semester was proactive enough to pick up a pen or type 200 words on a computer. We’re just as disappointed as you are.

So instead, for your enjoyment, we have decided to run a haiku:

Pretty newspaper

You will die a painful death

By the internet

We know this sucks. But it’s still better than running a house ad.

This letter is also a joke, but we kind of wish it wasn’t.

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