0405fakecrime

An interactive map of crimes in University City between March 22 and April 2. Related article: Crime log: March 22-April 2 *This map was made for the 2010 Joke Issue.

*This fake crime log appeared in the 2010 Joke Issue. Creepin’

April 2 — College senior and former Daily Pennsylvanian editor Emily Babay, 22, of the 3800 block of Locust Walk, was arrested at about 12 p.m. for allegedly creeping on multiple University administrators at their private residences.

Theft

April 2 — College senior and former DP editor Emily Babay, 22, of the 3800 block of Locust Walk, was arrested at about 2:30 p.m. for allegedly attempting to take several computers from Van Pelt Library in a move-out cart.

April 2 — College senior and former DP editor Emily Babay, 22, of the 3800 block of Locust Walk, was arrested (again, for real ... girl loves her thievery) at about 4:30 a.m. for allegedly removing 17 bicycles from outside Harnwell College House.

April 1 — At about 5 p.m., the Wharton School, 129, of the 3800 block of Walnut Street, was reported to have stolen the souls of approximately 500 admitted students.

March 31 — At about 2:45 p.m., Laura Schwenk, 20, unaffiliated with the University and of some random street in Iowa, was arrested for removing a baby from the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania without permission.

Fraud

March 22 — Jake “Money Booster” Shuster, 13, reportedly posed as an anonymous IvyGate tipster.

Disorderly Conduct

April 1 — A flash mob of high school seniors rejected from Wharton was reported at about 5:15 p.m. in Huntsman Hall. Nothing was broken, but several finance nerds reportedly failed their midterms as a result of the noise.

All information was fabricated for the DP’s joke issue. If you needed a note to realize that, you should be ashamed.
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