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*These letters appeared in the 2007 Joke Issue

Hot in herre

To the Editor:

Before the holidays, I noticed that the Douglas cosmetics store on Walnut Street had their doors flung open during business hours. Perhaps this was a clever marketing technique. And the warm weather we experienced made it seem frivolous but not too wasteful.

Such was not the case last week with wind chills in the single digits. As I passed by each day, I grew more and more angry with this blatant disregard for the need to conserve energy.

On Friday evening, 2/9, I walked inside and asked one of the clerks, a red-haired young man why the doors were open.

His lips curled in a smirk as he said, "We are always hot here."

Perhaps this retail establishment is having it's day in the sun. But it is also deliberately and carelessly contributing to the demise of the planet right in the middle of a center of enlightenment.

And that is not so hot.

Joseph Quinn Is it hot in here or is it just me? This letter is, in fact, real.

Still hates vaginas

To the Editor:

How dare you let two vaginas take charge of the opinion section of the paper?

I was shocked to learn that both the Editorial Page Editor and Spin Editor are women, and fear greatly for the future of this fine newspaper.

Although I myself trained the Editorial Page Editor, I didn't actually think that she'd last. I mean, she has a vagina! My hands were tied, but I thought that our readers would surely take a stand.

But to have the Spin editor be a woman is the ultimate stab in the heart.

I built that blog with my strong, manly hands, and don't need some skirt-wearing, double-x-chromosome-having female suck the testosterone out of it. Alongside my equally manly Spin editor, I made the Spin what it is today and I cannot stand by silently and watch this unnatural situation continue.

I urge all DP readers to raise their voices in anger: Vaginas cannot be allowed to lead the DP any longer.

Evan Goldin Long-time Vagina Hater This is a joke letter written by two vaginas.

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