I was finishing up a story around 10 p.m. November of my freshman year and I was scared to death. Although I had gotten the assignment that night, my story was late and I figured I'd get fired, or at least yelled at.
As I typed the last paragraph of my article, former Daily Pennsylvaniansportswriter Sub Stockman was telling stories, being loud and making everybody laugh at his jokes.
Former sports editor Will Ulrich came out of the sports office and pointed a finger at Sub, looking at his computer screen.
"Sub, you've been here since about 5 o'clock," he yelled in mock seriousness. "And all you have for your article is 'It's the end of the fall semester at Penn.'"
Everyone laughed. At that point I knew I'd fit in just fine around here.
In my four years writing sports, I've learned a lot of information that is, in essence, useless. The Penn football team's record in my four years here: 34-5. Number of losses at Franklin Field in that time span: zero. Number of Penn men's basketball players named to the 1918-19 All-American first team: five. (Penn's coach selected the squad.)
First man alphabetically in Penn men's basketball history: Hugh Aberman. Last man: Milton Zuker. Mike Schmidt's AOL Instant Messenger screen name: OK, that's enough.
I've amassed this random collection of information not because I've tried to -- to be honest, I had to look Aberman's name up -- but because I just have. Four years of covering athletics at this university almost requires you to take in a lot of useless information. Sometimes, you even have to regurgitate this useless info into a story.
But in my time learning all this useless information, I've also learned a lot of stuff that's pretty damned important, at least to me.
I learned that if your article is late, most people will be really cool about it from Will. From Sub, I learned the best jokes, the funniest stories.
I learned from Rick Haggerty how to get out of a traffic ticket. (Hope the state trooper knows the wife of a Penn assistant coach.) I learned from Jesse Spector that, if bored, a trip from Yale to Brown can take you through New Hampshire -- as well as how to turn a joke about "Buying the Expos" into an appearance on Baseball Tonight.
I learned from Jason Bodnar how not to drive a van. (Many stories in DP sports lore involve some sort of mayhem while driving to or from a Penn sports event.)
I learned from Andy DeLaney that it is possible to take a DP intrasquad sporting event too seriously. I learned from Dave Zeitlin that a little kids game at halftime gets really exciting if you bet on it. (Even more if you win).
I learned too much from Amy Potter to put into words.
There's more: people in sports, in 34th Street, all throughout the paper. Too many to list. You may not know what you taught me, but I'm sure you know who you are.
I would like to single out one athlete, Sam Burley, whom I quoted the most over the last four years. Burley was always a good guy in answering all my stupid questions over three years, especially when I was starting out, and for that I thank him. It's also a blast to watch him run the 800.
Look, these names and events may mean nothing to you.
Come to think of it, I was wrong. Those weird Penn sports statistics do mean something, to somebody. Why someone would be proud of Milton Zuker being the last man alphabetically in Penn hoops history, I don't know. But I'm sure there's someone out there whom it matters to.
And all this random information -- not the statistics, but the lessons I've learned from others -- matters to me. I know I'll use it one day.
In my four years writing sports for this fine paper, I've learned a lot more than I expected to. I've learned more than a box score or a statistic can measure.
I learned a lot about sportswriting from DPOSTM but I definitely learned a lot more from the people.
Thank you.
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