It’s Week 3, and we’ve got that magic lamp in our hands once again. Two victories against steel country teams for the Quakers, and two easy victories for the PrognostiQuakers. And it wasn’t just two cakewalk teams either. The Quakers knocked off the No. 4 team in the country last week on the not-so-frozen artificial concrete of Franklin Field, ending an improbable 26-game winning streak for the Engineers. But this week, the games truly begin. Ivy League play marks the start of what will undoubtedly be another successful campaign for our beloved Red and Blue. It also marks the beginning of what will certainly be a winning season for us here at PrognostiQuaking HQ. Our computers are working round the clock to bring you the most up to date predictions for this weekend’s games — and we certainly don’t have Notre Dame ranked No. 1. The Quakers are pumped up, on the top of the mountain after a huge victory. Now, they’re itching to get out there on the field. They’re toeing the rubber, so to speak, taking a long, deep breath and snapping their heads toward the opposite sideline, ready to do battle with the next roadblock on their quest toward the title: Dartmouth. The Big Green. The school whose most famous alumnus is Dr. Seuss. The only Ivy actually located in Middle of Nowhere, New Hampshire. But regardless of Dartmouth’s history of ineptitude on the gridiron, we here at PrognostiQuakers took no chances. We wanted to find out just what it would take to defeat the Big Green Machine. So we went right to the experts on Big Green machines — the John Deere Tractor Company. That’s right. John Deere made his name from that color, and we thought he would be able to shed some light on what it would take to give Dartmouth a Quaker-sized bump in the road. Unfortunately, Mr. Deere was out of the office yesterday. However, his trusty sidekick Bill Klutho was more than happy to fill in. Bill heads up the public relations branch of the Commercial and Consumer Equipment division over at Big Green headquarters — a big (ho, ho!) time corporate executive who could help us out with a big (natch) time prognostication. We asked Bill what it would take to force a John Deere tractor to stop in its tracks. “Twenty years,” Bill replied. “Those things are built to last.” A good start, but we pointed out that the Quakers were a little short on time, so we asked for a quicker fix. Bill suggested “tinkering with the engine,” a much stronger option. So while Dartmouth’s rusty engine floods tomorrow, expect the Red and Blue to plow the field with the Big Green and place themselves atop the Ivy League.
Penn 20, Dartmouth 0
Week Three Picks
| Andrew Delany (11-3) | Penn 24-21 | Harv. 24-14 | Colg. 24-10 | Yale 20-7 | Dart. 42-38 | P’ton 31-14 | |
| Lance Stier (11-3) | Penn 36-17 | Brown 46-40 | Lehigh 24-17 | Yale 33-24 | Tow. 36-27 | P’ton 31-19 | |
| Dave Zeitlin (11-3) | Penn 77-2 | Brown 42-38 | Lehigh 21-17 | Yale 28-20 | Tow. 14-10 | Col. 21-20 | |
| Steve Brauntuch (10-4) | Penn 38-14 | Brown 27-21 | Lehigh 31-27 | Yale 28-14 | Tow. 45-17 | P’ton 63-0 | |
| Jeremy Dubert (10-4) | Penn 47-31 | Brown 30-17 | Lehigh 33-20 | Yale 40-21 | Cor. 14-10 | P’ton 31-3 | |
| Dan McQuade (10-4) | Penn 35-17 | Brown 48-41 | Harv. 21-20 | H.C. 22-15 | Tow. 31-13 | P’ton 20-0 | |
| Matt Mugmon (10-4) | Penn 84-0 | URI 4-3 | Lehigh 21-2 | H.C. 5-2 | Tow. 6-5 | Col. 6-4 | |
| Kyle Bender (9-5) | Penn 63-0 | Brown 9-3 | Lehigh 24-21 | Yale 38-31 | Tow. 49-6 | P’ton 35-10 | |
| Amy Potter (9-5) | Penn 28-7 | Brown 14-10 | Lehigh 14-7 | H.C. 21-17 | Tow. 35-10 | P’ton 28-3 | |
| Tristan Schweiger (9-5) | Penn 40-10 | URI 32-27 | Lehigh 24-21 | Yale 17-12 | Tow. 22-14 | P’ton 94-0 | |
| Alexis Gilbert (8-6) | Penn 42-10 | URI 21-14 | Lehigh 17-10 | Yale 28-7 | Tow. 35-7 | P’ton 21-3 | |
| Jonathan Shazar (7-7) | Penn 44-6 | Brown 28-27 | Lehigh 17-14 | Yale 24-21 | Tow. 56-3 | P’ton 51-14 | |
| Jarrod Ballou (6-8) | Penn 42-7 | Brown 14-0 | Harvard 21-3 | H.C. 10-7 | Tow. 14-0 | P’ton 28-7 |
