Nakamura set for slammin' career

After posting a mediocre 6-7 dual-meet record in its 2000-2001 campaign, the Penn wrestling team had hoped that it would return to its winning ways of years' past next season. But now, that light of hope is slowly fading. Penn senior Yoshi Nakamura announced yesterday that he will be foregoing his fourth year of wrestling eligibility to join the World Wrestling Federation. "They offered it to me, and I thought, `This is such a great opportunity,'" Nakamura said. "After all, professional wrestling is the number one rated cable television program in the country. Woo-ha. Rednecks will worship me." Among other reasons for his decision, Nakamura cited problems working with Penn coach Roger Reina. "Coach screwed me over," Nakamura said. "Brett Matter became a National Champion. Brandon Slay became an Olympic Gold Medalist. I have their talent, but when I came to Penn and all I got was this lousy All-American status." As a result of his decision, Nakamura will drop his Global Analysis and Accounting concentrations and graduate this spring with only a dual concentration in Finance and Management from the Wharton School. Quite unexpectedly, the 4.0-student, who appeared destined for investment banking, is passing up job offers from Morgan Stanley-Dean Witter and JP Morgan. Instead, the 157-pounder from Elyria, Ohio, is excited about the opportunity to have his very own WWF signature move that will be recognized by fans across the country. "I can't wait to get a signature move, like the `People's Elbow' or `The Stunner,'" Nakamura said. "And then do one of those eyebrow raises. The Rock thinks he's so great cause he can do that. Well guess what? So can I. So there." And while Nakamura's judo coach Tadaki Hata questioned the rationality of the decision, he stood by his former pupil. "In Japan, sumo wrestling is one of the most respected professions in the country," Hata said. "In America, it seems that professional wrestling commands a similar amount of respect. He is a great wrestler - I'm sure he will do well." Reina, on the other hand, was a little disappointed, to say the least. "Patience is the key to success," Reina said. "And also, practice makes perfect. And also, defense wins championships and national titles." Nakamura is the second Penn wrestler to consider forfeiting a fourth year of eligibility. Senior standout Rick Springman is also mulling over a WWF career. "It's great that Yoshi's gonna be in the WWF," Springman said. "Before, I had to be nice to the guy because he was my teammate. Now, if we both join the WWF, I'm gonna get to pummel him all I want." Freshman heavyweight Mike Faust - a teammate of Nakamura's - was a little puzzled by Nakamura's decision. "What is he thinking?" the 240-pound Faust said. "The guy's 157. He's gonna get crushed. Now if I went pro, that would be a different story. Little baby Yoshi don't stand a chance." Nakamura recognizes the weight discrepancy, but nonetheless feels he can't give up this chance. "College wrestling is fun and all, but it's really too confining. Illegal holds, stalling, I mean, come on!" Nakamura said. "I can't wait to start jumping off turnbuckles and putting opponents in choke holds. And I want to do drop kicks. It's just like judo. Drop kicks. I want to do drop kicks." Nakamura's first match will be held on July 7 at Philadelphia's First Union Center. He will face off against former boxer and current lunatic Mike Tyson, who's special move is the "Ear Bite."

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