COLUMN: QueenJudy e-mails DoctorBob

From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00 From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council.From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council. The policy, though, is not yet officially in place. So we at The Daily Pennsylvanian took the opportunity to intercept the following e-mail traffic from the President's Office regarding this issue. And of course, we felt a civic and journalistic duty to let the rest of the University community in on it all. From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council. The policy, though, is not yet officially in place. So we at The Daily Pennsylvanian took the opportunity to intercept the following e-mail traffic from the President's Office regarding this issue. And of course, we felt a civic and journalistic duty to let the rest of the University community in on it all.From: "President Judith Rodin" From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council. The policy, though, is not yet officially in place. So we at The Daily Pennsylvanian took the opportunity to intercept the following e-mail traffic from the President's Office regarding this issue. And of course, we felt a civic and journalistic duty to let the rest of the University community in on it all.From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council. The policy, though, is not yet officially in place. So we at The Daily Pennsylvanian took the opportunity to intercept the following e-mail traffic from the President's Office regarding this issue. And of course, we felt a civic and journalistic duty to let the rest of the University community in on it all.From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: E-Mail Security From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy," Fall '00Over the past few months, e-mail security has been a hot topic for the University community. Just last week, a policy requiring school officials to notify students, faculty and staff if their private e-mail is read was approved informally by University Council. The policy, though, is not yet officially in place. So we at The Daily Pennsylvanian took the opportunity to intercept the following e-mail traffic from the President's Office regarding this issue. And of course, we felt a civic and journalistic duty to let the rest of the University community in on it all.From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: E-Mail SecurityNumber Two, Seriously, this right to privacy thing is a major bitch. Any ideas of how we can get around it? I've got University Council working 24-7 on ways, but would appreciate your thoughts. Up for a little boozin' tonight? Lemme know. Hugs and Kisses, J From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: Re: E-Mail Security OK. New plan. How about we just drown 'em in semantics? For example: students will "ordinarily" be notified if their e-mail is read. Hah! Now what the hell does "ordinarily" mean? Always? Never? God forbid we actually require ourselves to notify students whose privacy we've just violated. Gotta go now. Dinner's waiting, and that commute out to Bryn Mawr is a killer this time of the day. Toodles! J From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: E-Mail Security Dear No. 1 Lackey, (I kid, I kid) I swear, this John Street implementation team thing is driving me insane. My dog Butterfinger has more charisma than that guy. If you ask me, he was a lot cooler when he used to go on crack-fueled tirades at City Council meetings back in the day. Do you think he even realizes I voted for Katz? New strategy on this e-privacy thing -- how about you appoint a committee to review this problem? I bet we can let this baby languish in bureaucratic [expletive deleted] before anything productive actually happens. Get back to me with your thoughts, Dr. J From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: Re: E-Mail Security B-Dawg, First off, you know I love you. But you're beginning to worry me. From what I've read of your new proposal, it looks as though my time spent surfing the e-mail accounts of undergrads will be severely curtailed. Unacceptable, Bob. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy reading students' e-mail in my spare time? What, I ask, am I going to do with myself if I have to get special permission from a freakin' Information Security Officer before I can break into students' e-mail? Raising money and taking trips to the Saturn Club to get my hair done take up only so many hours in the day. Keep this up and I'm gonna send those smelly sweatshop kids into your office to protest this. God, those bongo drums are the absolute worst. J From: "President Judith Rodin" To: "Provost Robert Barchi" Subject: Re: E-Mail Security Bobby, my man! I take back all that nasty stuff I said. Submitting a proposal and opening it for "comment" is -- as always -- brilliant. University Council meetings are so much easier to stomach without those UA dorks. And great job taking up my suggestion regarding wishy-washy language. I just love the part in the new policy that says students will be notified "as soon as practicable" if their e-mail is read. Great phrase -- "as soon as practicable." Just how soon is practicable? Your guess is as good as mine. An hour? A day? A year? Priceless, Bob, priceless. Fling's about to start, so I'm off to this bitchin' kegger on Baltimore. Peace, J In addition to these e-mails from President Rodin, the DP intercepted the following message from the Provost's Office. From: "Provost Robert Barchi" To: "Stanley Chodorow" Subject: Our Fav Administratrix Jeez. Now I understand why you couldn't wait to get out of this place. Why can't that woman just go about her business posing for photo ops and kissing up to alumni like every other college president in America? I'm about five minutes away from joining you in the ranks of the "ex-provosts." Good luck in the job search, by the way. Yours, Bob