COLUMN: Freedom? I'd rather just be whoever I want to be

From Michael Feng's, "Snuffles," Fall '99 From Michael Feng's, "Snuffles," Fall '99It took two months in China for me to realize that I have been holding my breath all my life. Every day, I exhale a little mouthful and begin to breathe a little easier. It's because I have this refreshing sensation of freedom while I am here, a sensation that I will miss dearly when I return to the United States. Primary school students recite the Bill of Rights as if it were the Bible. Daily, thousands of pilgrims make the trip to Philadelphia to see the famous Liberty Bell. Yet forgotten in our preoccupation with the theoretical foundations of freedom is social freedom, the freedom to enjoy life without the burdens created by American social conventions. In the U.S., I felt a pressure to maintain the superficial image by which everyone rates everyone else. And because I grew up in America, I unwittingly took that pressure for granted. After all, we do live in a capitalist society -- a society in which people's value is based upon material worth. For instance, a friend of the family who lives in an upscale Main Line suburb now hires landscapers to mow his lawn, due to his neighbors' "encouragement." A self-mowed lawn simply wouldn't look as elegant, they told him. It would diminish the exclusivity of the luxury development. Quite honestly, I am ashamed to live in a society in which people are judged by the neatness of their lawns. In China, I would never dare to wear a "Free Tibet" T-shirt in public. But in the U.S., neither would I dare to wear my raggedy gym shorts to a frat party, not if I wanted to avoid overhearing snide remarks and badly muffled guffaws. My first few days in China, I could hardly contain my laughter at some of the outlandish outfits the locals were wearing. Sadly, decades of government-enforced poverty have done nothing for color coordination here. I now realize that my contempt marked me as the barbaric one, not them. The ordinary Chinese person has been too poor for too long to be concerned with fashion. Like an actor blindly performing in front of an apathetic audience, I was making judgments based upon criteria that only I cared about. Sure, America's reformed New Age educational system makes us memorize such mantras as "look on the inside" and "don't judge a book by its cover." Yet our society has quite a different message for us. Daily life in any American city has become one long commercial, incessantly urging us to wear brand-name clothing and drive luxury cars. The American limitations on social freedom wouldn't be so bad if all I had to do was to look refined, but I have to act refined as well. Throughout my childhood, Grey Poupon commercials and Miss Manners columns have ingrained into my young mind the idea that making a fuss about money-related matters was uncouth. I still remember the hotness of my cheeks the time my mother got into a shouting match with the receptionist at the Motor Vehicles Agency because she was being overcharged. She was making a big scene and attracting everyone else's stares. I was absolutely mortified. Only after coming to China did I recognize the silliness of trying to live up to that genteel country club ideal. At first, I rarely bargained, because such behavior seemed beneath me. However, I have long since learned that if I don't bargain for everything -- ranging from train tickets to restaurant food -- I will be ripped off. Gone is my previous obsession with the "politeness" that American society dictates. After all, why should I sacrifice value for the sake of appearing magnanimous? When I return to the U.S., I vow to fight tirelessly for social freedom. You can do your part, as well. Wear sweatpants to class more often. Bargain for cream cheese at Au Bon Pain. Every little bit helps in the war against the tyranny of social conventions.