From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy's," Fall '99 From Andrew Exum's, "Perilous Orthodoxy's," Fall '99Let the death threats begin. I, Andrew Exum, hate the New York Yankees. I mean, I really hate the Yankees. How much do I detest the club? Let's put it this way: Their uniforms irk me so much that I refuse to buy anything with pinstripes. I hate everything about the team. I hate their owner, I hate their stadium, I hate their fans (yeah, you) and I especially hate the way they win, win, win. I think my hatred for the Yankees is mostly hereditary. My mother, a life-long Red Sox fan, despises those Damn Yankees as well, in the way that only a Boston fan can. But why should I hate a baseball club so much? I mean, after all, they're just a professional sports team, right? Actually, there's no such thing as just a professional sports team. Not in America, not anywhere. As a global culture, we are often more passionate about the athletic teams we support (or root against) than our religions, governments or societies. If you think we're bad in America, take a trip to a soccer game abroad. In Scotland, during the annual clashes between Glasgow's Rangers and Celtics, the atmosphere resembles a holy war more than an athletic contest. Largely Protestant Rangers fans and the Celtics fans -- almost exclusively Catholic -- have to be separated by rows of policemen to prevent them from literally killing one another. In America, the closest comparison is either college football or professional baseball. Baseball is a little more civil, but at this time of year -- playoff time -- things get nasty. This is the time of the year when my passionate hatred for the Yankees shines through. Why hate the Yankees? Because they are more than just a baseball team. They're a damn American institution. Every time they step onto the field, it's almost as if they're supposed to win. Indeed, if there is anything that's makes the Yankees so detested by fans, it's the fact that they are the most successful team in baseball history. The best players in Yankee history are among the best players to ever play the game: Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra and Mickey Mantle, just to name a few. They've won 24 World Championships, more than any other team by far. More Hall of Famers wear Yankee pinstripes than any other uniform. Unless you're a Yankees fan, why wouldn't you hate them? Hall of Famer George Brett used to complain that -- no matter the situation -- the Yankees always got the breaks if the game was close. Brett would know. In 1983, Brett -- playing for the Royals and arguably the best player in baseball at the time -- crushed a ninth-inning home run off of Yankee pitcher Goose Gossage. As Brett crossed home plate, Yankee manager Billy Martin strolled out from the dugout and complained to the umpire that Brett had used too much pine tar on his bat. Baseball players use pine tar to increase grip on the bat, and Brett's bat had pine tar one inch higher on the bat than regulations allow. Martin's objection would be like protesting your grade on a math exam because the professor didn't staple your exam papers the way you like it. Nonetheless, the umpires ruled that Brett's bat was illegal, and the home run was called back. Brett justifiably went ballistic, storming out of the dugout like an enraged lion, screaming and spitting at the umpires and in the direction of the Yankee dugout. It might very well have been the single greatest outburst by a player in baseball history. Later in the season, American League President Lee McPhail reversed the call and forced the Yankees to finish the game with the Royals, which Kansas City won 4-3. I'm with Brett. The Yankees success is perennially frustrating and smacks of being just a little bit unfair. And so, unless you hate sports you've gotta either love or hate the Yankees. So go Braves! Or Red Sox! Or even Cleveland. Or anybody that can beat those Damn Yankees.
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