JOKE ISSUE/Structural problems force Gimbel to close

The popular gym in the heart of campus may be replaced by a new diner. Citing "structural and logistical" problems, University officials announced yesterday that Gimbel Gymnasium and the new Katz Fitness Center will close permanently at the end of the semester, just one year after successful renovations caused the facility's popularity to soar. And according to several sources, the gym facility may be replaced with a third branch of the Eat at Joe's franchise. The decision came as a surprise to students, faculty members and administrators alike, thousands of whom joined the new state-of-the-art fitness facility during the year. "This is just typical of the University," said College senior and regular body-builder Brian Lamphouse. "Every time there is something good that students like, Penn gets rid of it in favor of the all-mighty dollar." Despite the gym's popularity, Recreation Director Mike Diorka partially attributed the closing to the fact that the University could not maintain the gym charging students only $75 a year. "Rather than increase the cost of memberships, which we knew would be extremely unpopular with students, we decided the best thing to do would be to go in a different direction with the building," Diorka said. But according to College junior Dick Yaskin, who is closely connected to the Recreation Department, a major factor in the decision was that the machines in Katz were found to be faulty and extremely hazardous. He pointed to one incident he witnessed, in which a treadmill collapsed under the weight of a particularly "big-boned" individual. Students will now have to work out at either Sweat gym at 24th and Walnut streets or simply "sit around and grow large," Executive Vice President John Fry said. Andy Cosenza of Cozco Management Co., the owner of the Eat at Joe's diner, said administrators were seriously considering selling him the Gimbel site to create another branch of the franchise that already exists in two other locations on campus. "This will be the Eat at Joe's 'Megadiner'," Cosenza raved. "It's gonna be a themed restaurant? like with memorabilia and pictures from the '50s. I bet no one's ever thought of that before." He added the diner will carry on the tradition of Katz Fitness Center by only staying open from noon until 6 p.m. on the weekends. And Fry, while refusing to confirm or deny whether the deal with Eat at Joe's had been made, said that an eatery was definitely a major possibility. Fry said he was unconcerned that students would be disappointed with the lack of an exercise facility. "Students can still lift. They'll get plenty of exercise lifting their fork to their mouth," he chuckled. Several student leaders said they were not upset the gym was closing, but that they were angry the University did not consult them first about the decision. They plan to hold a rally on Gimbel's basketball court later this week to protest the move.

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