GUEST COLUMNIST: Countering the myth about Penn's female population

Ben Dietz, Guest Columnist Ben Dietz, Guest ColumnistThere is a story Penn men like to tell. It goes something like this: a few years ago, a national newsmagazine ranked America's major colleges and universities in order of the attractiveness of their undergradatues. I love this story. Not because I agree with it, but because it confirms a theory of mine: no matter how smart we Penn students think we are, we're still pretty dumb. Where does garbage like this story come? I've done a little research into the topic and come up with a de facto source for all the hype. When the Class of '98 were mere freshmen, DP columnist Felix Rouse wrote a column, entitled "Have Some Pride," (DP, 9/29/94). In this particularly celebrated piece, he cited the legendary (though unnamed) survey, attributing a rank of 16 to Penn's men, and one of "four hundred sixty something" to its women. He also doled out pearls of wisdom like "many Penn men do not want relationships with women who only look good once every seven days," and "It is obvious that most women require a great deal more 'maintenance' than the average man?." Suffice it to say, the column raised the ire of a great many people on this campus. Still, it illustrated an important point: Penn men have never had much of an idea about the women that surround them. Penn women are beautiful. Not all of them, mind you, but enough of them that I spend just about every minute of my days aware of them, from class to Smoke's, from College Green to Superblock, from the Blauhaus to the Writers House. Girls from Abu Dabai to Mechanicsburg, from Fullerton to Florida. Black girls, white girls, candy-striped girls, girls with little backpacks. It's safe to say there are more pretty girls than you can shake a stick at (apologies to Digital Underground). What's more, they're smart, funny and opinionated. Which brings me to my question for the day: Why doesn't anyone else see them? The answer, of course, is that Penn men are too wrapped up in their fantasies to notice. In my mind, it probably works something like this: Single Penn guy on Locust Walk (thinking to himself): "So, as long as I beat the mean on this test, I can still get a B. Then Goldman Sachs will give me that offer?." Single, attractive Penn girl (enthusiastically): "Hi, Brian!" Single Penn guy (still thinking): "I'm gonna make so much money when I graduate." To be fair, not all Penn men fantasize about working for Goldman Sachs and getting rich. Some actually want to work for Andersen and get rich. Then there are those for whom the female beauty myth is the standard. That one works something like this: Single Penn guy (to male friend): "Dude, did you see the Pamela Lee home video?" Single, attractive Penn girl: "Hi, Brian!" Single Penn guy: "Man, I can't wait to get home and read Playboy." True, there aren't very many women on this campus that look like Pamela Lee, but that's only because most women here have real breasts. Still, the old "supermodels" excuse is just not a good enough reason to complain. Why? Because Penn guys just aren't that hot themselves. Honestly, the number four most attractive college male population in America? That's just plain not true. Even number 16 is an exaggeration by about 60 positions. It's not like any guy on this campus is gonna pull Tyra Banks or even Claire Danes. Give it up, guys. Of course, Penn's male population is not solely to blame. Penn women give themselves too little credit when it comes to their attractiveness, and in so doing, reinforce the stereotypes our culture holds of women as submissive objects. I'm not here to sound like a Generation XX editorial, though, so I'll skip the resulting implications for the moment. Ultimately, the trouble we Penn men have with identifying beautiful women is our own. So what's to be done about this unfortunate situation? Two things. If you're a guy, OPEN YOUR EYES! Instead of dreaming about supermodels and porn stars, find a real woman and make a little? conversation. And if you're a woman, take a little advice from your old friend Felix Rouse. Have some pride. Realize that you are as attractive as you'll ever need to be. Give up the all-fruit diets and start enjoying yourselves. After all, even with major newsmagazines, there's just no accounting for taste.