UA yields to IFC, becomes co-ed frat

This article appeared in the joke issue. Undergraduate Assembly members voted unanimously to change the body from a student government organization to a co-ed fraternity at Sunday's meeting. The vote was the first time in recent months that more than three UA members came to a meeting. The new fraternity -- Upsilon Alpha -- will try to obtain a house on Locust Walk later this month. "We are always so occupied with budgets and committees, we felt a social change was necessary," UA President and College junior Tal Golomb said. But other members said the change is due to the apathy of the student body. "No one knows what the UA does anyway, so we decided to become what everyone seems to want -- a Greek organization that can fund itself," UA member and College sophomore Mark Sagat said. UA members also voted to dismantle the Nominations and Elections Committee. NEC Chairperson and Engineering junior Ben Goldberger expressed concern over the cancellation of his position. "They just don't realize how much they need me," he said. "My role as chairman is not only vital to the UA, but the University as a whole." The vote also affected many other student government positions. UA Treasurer and Wharton junior Steve Schorr will now be in charge of budgeting Upsilon Alpha's liquor for their Friday night "UA Undressed" parties. And UA Secretary and College junior Wendy Mongillo will keep track of party guest lists and take careful notes as to which members forgets to pay their semester dues. Mongillo had no comment about the UA vote. InterFraternity Council President and Alpha Chi Rho brother Matt Baker said the change will benefit the entire Greek community. He added that the loss of the branch of student government would be absorbed by the Greeks. "I don't think the IFC or the Panhellenic Council will have any problem running the University," he said. But Baker denied that the dissolution of the UA was a plot by the IFC. Many undergraduates said they now had much more respect for the UA. And UA Vice Chairperson and College junior Larry Kamin said he is looking forward to the increase in popularity the change should bring to UA members. "It's not that I think people didn't like me before," he said. "But everyone likes a Greek." And he added that he hoped his proposal to fund the IFC would be taken seriously in the future. University administrators were equally pleased with Sunday's vote. Although no faculty members could be reached for comment, various sources attest to seeing administrators dancing down Locust Walk and wearing "UA Undone" T-shirts. Only Liquor Control Enforcement Bureau agent Jeff Lawrence was worried about the decision.